Dear Lesbian Life:
I really could use some good/experienced advice. I hope you can help.

I have been married (to a man) for five years. My husband made a terrible mistake six years ago. He did something that I thought I could live with and have done so until I became friends with a lesbian. I found myself attracted to her. I haven't ever been attracted to a woman before. I have only dated men. The mistake my husband made left me feeling inadequate-sexually. My friendship with the lesbian has really turned my life upside down! My parents aren't speaking to me etc. My marriage is on the rocks. I just feel so drawn to this lesbian, it is indescribable. How can I know if I am truly a lesbian or if this is just something else? This has been going on since November. I feel like something has got to give and soon! Please help.

Thank you,

Attracted to a Lesbian

Dear Attracted to a Lesbian:

You need to separate the feelings you have for this woman from what happened with your husband. They really are separate issues. Probably the best way to do this is to try and resolve your issues with your husband and stop seeing the lesbian for a while.
I would suggest that you and your husband get into couples counseling and also that you enter therapy on your own to figure out who you are and what you want in the long run. Sexual attraction can really mess with your clear thought patterns. If you're sexually attracted to your lesbian friend, the attraction can sometimes take over and prevent you from thinking clearly and acting rationally.

If you really think you can't work things out with your husband because of what happened (before you were married) then I think it's fair to break up with him and from there explore your sexual orientation and your attraction to your lesbian friend.

I take marriage and commitment seriously and hopefully you do too.

If you're truly a lesbian and need to be with women, it really has nothing to do with what happened with your husband and you. I hope you understand that. Being a lesbian is about being attracted to other women, not about being mistreated by men, having bad relationships with men or being molested by men. Being a lesbian is about a desire to be with women. The best-case scenario is one where you can figure things out in a rational way, but of course emotions are always involved when people are involved and it's not always clear-cut what path you should take.

Talk things over with a therapist. Someone with an unbiased opinion should help you sort through your feelings. Good luck! This is going to be a hard journey, but well worth it if you can be honest with yourself.