With the number of single-person households increasing every year in the UK, and more and more people divorcing for the second or third time, we could be forgiven for wondering whether a lifelong commitment to one partner is becoming rather old-fashioned. If you are single and afraid you may never meet the right person, it may be of little comfort but you are by no means the only one.

In spite of the depressing outlook suggested by the statistics, however, it is perfectly feasible to have a solid, happy marriage that lasts a lifetime. The key to making it happen is to create the right circumstances for it and to have the right attitude. If you have had relationships end badly or sadly, you can learn from your mistakes and break the cycle.

The first step is to love yourself. It may sound corny but you can't expect someone to love you unless and until you love yourself. If you are hoping a partner will give you strength and confidence, you are setting yourself up for failure. Your negativity and your neediness may deter potentially good partners, while attracting the sort who will just make it worse. If you present yourself to the world as worthless, the world is likely to believe you.

Furthermore, if you are relying on your partner to fill in the gaps in you, this puts a great strain on the relationship. If you sometimes feel overwhelmed by your needs, please don't think there is anything wrong with you or that you don't deserve to have your needs met. It is the unresolved issues from your past that make you feel like this and it is completely normal. The way to deal with this is not to look to your partner to bolster you but to address your issues with a counsellor or psychotherapist.

If your pain were physical rather than emotional, you would consult a doctor, wouldn't you? It makes no sense to ignore or suppress emotional problems and there is no shame in asking for help. Your therapist will boost your self-esteem and give you insight into why your relationships have not been working for you.

Once you have dispelled your inaccurate image of yourself as a loser and realised what a winner you really are, turn your attention to your lifestyle. Do you enjoy your job, while not defining yourself by it? Do you live in a place you love? Have you got absorbing hobbies and interesting, supportive friends? If your life isn't as good as it should be, change it! You can do it - and it's important because if you're looking to your partner to provide stimulation and fun, your relationship will be unbalanced.

Right, so now you're feeling positive and confident and you're ready to meet someone on an equal basis. Where to find him or her? There are many ways to seek out a partner: join a dating agency, go to singles events, ask your friends to introduce you to suitable candidates

The main advantage of a dating agency is that it gives you immediate access to lots of available people in your vicinity. The main disadvantage is that it is artificial and lays too much emphasis on matching likes and dislikes, putting pressure on everyone to be what somebody else is looking for. To a greater or lesser extent, this applies to any method you employ to search for a partner.

The most productive way to meet someone with whom you could go on to have a happy marriage is to let it happen by chance. Make sure you are always coming into contact with new people but forget about finding a partner. Instead of joining a dating agency, join a club, take a course, do some voluntary work. Concentrate on your job, your hobbies, your friends and on having fun.

Finally, it is a myth that we each have one "soul mate" out there. Actually, there are many different people who could be an excellent partner for you. Whoever it is doesn't have to be perfect - and neither do you. If you are both committed to the relationship, you can make it work. So, now, stop worrying and start living. The right person will find you more easily if you stop looking.