Why One Minute Per Year of Age?

When using time out to get a screaming toddler to gain control of his outburst, I recommend giving a toddler as much time as he needs. Anger and frustration in a toddler does not always resolve based on a clock and sometimes your attempts to help manage the situation just make it worse. Give your toddler time to work it out, but let him know it's not acceptable to just run around the house screaming or being otherwise disruptive, either.

Eventually he will learn to take a step back on his own when he's upset since you've been offering this opportunity from the beginning.
When using time out as a way to shape behavior, you are putting a limit on an already calm and coherent toddler. This type of time out calls for quiet reflection on what happened and for a toddler, the limit of his attention span for this is about 2 minutes. As your child gets older, his attention span gets longer and he's able to integrate different types of thought into his reflection of his actions and their consequences.

Does My Toddler Really Understand What an Apology Is?

Some parents don't like to integrate this step into their own time out technique and that's completely fine. It will work without it as long as the other steps are followed and you're consistent with your follow-through. I can understand why parents might not wish to have their child express something that he doesn't understand or genuinely feel. You might feel like you're teaching them to lie.

I personally like the apology, however. I think that there are many things we introduce into our kids in life that aren't real (like Santa). There are also things we make them do that they don't want to do (like giving smelly Aunt Bertha a hug or letting Grandmas pinch cheeks). We also ask our children to perform acts that they don't understand or feel genuinely (like saying "Please," "Bless you" or "Thank you") as a measure of politeness. We even ask our kids to express gratitude when they get gifts they do not like rather than express the disappointment they are really feeling. The understanding and internalization of things like gratitude and remorse come later, but in the meantime, most of us still ask for the "Thank you" or the "I'm sorry" each time so that our kids are used to going through the motions. Just make sure that as your child gets older, he's not becoming a manners robot. You should take time periodically to explain why we do what we do so that one day he will have a full realization of the act and the meaning behind it.

Another reason why I like an apology is because it's not for the sake of your toddler. It's for the sake of the person who was offended, hurt, disrespected or violated. And in the case of rule-breaking, that's you. Your toddler should learn that an apology makes the other person feel better and can go a long way in mending feelings and relationships. In fact, if the time out is for harming another child, I always ask for an apology not just for myself but I direct the toddler to give one to the child who was hurt (emotionally or physically).

Does My Toddler Always Need a Warning?

Almost always, yes. I saw a clip on America's Funniest Home Videos the other day that illustrates just how little toddlers know about the rules. A toddler had taken a magic marker and marked all over the inside of the car. Dad asked if she did it and she admitted it willingly. Then he asked if she was supposed to do it and, again, she shook her head affirmatively and without fear of any repercussions. It was as if using the car as a canvas was completely acceptable. The look in her eyes was one of pride. Of course you'd assume that your toddler knows not to use magic marker all over the inside of the car, right? I mean, maybe he just had a time out last week for coloring on his wall. But the truth is, you can't make this assumption. Most toddlers are not able to take what they learned in one situation and apply it to another situation no matter how similar it is to you, the adult.

There are, however, some times when I feel a warning isn't necessary. If you've been working on a behavior for a long time, you can let your toddler know in advance that no warning is necessary. Say, "You've been in time out every day this week for tipping over the dog's water, so I'm not going to give any more warnings. If you do it, you'll go straight to time out." In addition, those acts where your child is harming another person and has been in trouble for this before need no warning.

Another situation can apply here, but you have to be careful with your judgment. If your toddler does something intentionally to get your response or you see a clear look of realization on your toddler's face indicating he knows what he's done is wrong, then a warning is not necessary. These instances demand immediate follow-through. In the former, your child is testing you to see if you will keep your word. In the latter, your child is gaining an understanding of what's right and wrong on his own, so it's a perfect opportunity to reinforce his feeling and not brush it under the rug with a warning.

Why No Talking?

Toddlers are people of action. You can talk to them about what they've done wrong till you're blue in the face but all those words will be completely lost on them. They've barely processed the first thing you said before you're already halfway through a long tirade. Carry on much longer and the eyes start to glaze over and they zone out. Instead, you want to use as few words as possible to make your point and you want to follow the same simple routine each time. Use the simplest terms that you know your toddler can understand and then stop talking.

If your toddler gets out of time out and you have to take him back, do so without speaking a word. You do not want to give him any attention (which can seem like a positive to a toddler in time out even when you're saying things that are negative) and you don't want to engage your toddler in a power struggle or exchange of any sort. If your toddler sees that you're becoming frustrated and you've let him off the hook in the past, he will push you to this again because it's given proven results. Maintain calm and control and don't talk.