Retrouvaille
We get a lot of e-mails questioning the benefits of different programs designed to help marriages. We thought these comments from these couples who attended one of the Retrouvaille weekends would help clarify questions that might be in your minds about the Retrouvaille experience.
April 15, 1998 - Mike & Charlotte Mazzei:
I (Mike) happen to be a Logical Thinker myself. Maybe I can share a few thoughts that might help make some sense of this Retrouvaille program.
In Retrouvaille, we emphasize that dialogue is not a problem solving tool. My wife and I have found that dialogue works best when follow this guideline and are careful NOT to try to use it for problem solving. But, in reality, it not only solves a problem, it solves the biggest problem in most of our marriages, lack of intimacy.
Our Masks are what prevent us from experiencing real intimacy with our spouse. Masks are not bad but they do prevent my spouse from seeing the real me. We wear our Masks all of the time. "How do I take my Mask off so my spouse can see the real me?" Dialogue is that special tool that, when used properly, removes our Masks for 10 minutes. When we Dialogue properly, we are actually removing our Mask for those 10 minutes.
Making the decision to dialogue when you don't feel like it is a big part of the decision to love. When you "feel" love it?s easy to show love. "The decision to love" is REALLY asking you to make the "decision to love" when you don't feel like it!
There are several important dynamics on the weekend.
We spend the whole weekend learning how to write and share our feelings. The whole weekend seems to evolve around: feelings, feelings and more feelings. Here's the part that I totally missed on our weekend. Every single talk on the weekend asks us to make "decisions", like the decision to love, the decision to trust, the decision to forgive, etc. The presenting team asks us to make these decisions even though we don?t feel loving, trusting or forgiving. I may not "feel" like trusting my spouse, but "the decision to trust" suggests that I trust even though I don't "feel it."
If you consider the 12 post-weekend follow-up topics, 11 of the twelve are about making these tough Decisions. Only one, Intimacy, is a feeling. That's the goal of Retrouvaille: to experience true Intimacy with our spouse.
Those of us who thought Retrouvaille was only about "feelings" missed the other part of the program, those tough "decisions". I'm absolutely convinced that we must work on both to be successful.
I've also come to learn that prayer is another important element. But I'll save that for another time.
Hang in there ... persistance pays off!
God Bless you.
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April 20, 1998 - Bob & Judy Adamich:
We just came home from our weekend of rediscovery and were very excited that we were able to find somehting/someone who could help us with our difficult times. We have been receiving other professional help but all points lead to our going our separate ways. Within this community we were able to find the hope to go back to the way we had been when we had wed. We are very greatful for all who kept us and the other couples experiencing this weekend. We felt as if God had finally shown us the way which we had been searching for after such a long time.
Thanks again.
April 15, 1998 - Mike & Charlotte Mazzei:
I (Mike) happen to be a Logical Thinker myself. Maybe I can share a few thoughts that might help make some sense of this Retrouvaille program.
In Retrouvaille, we emphasize that dialogue is not a problem solving tool. My wife and I have found that dialogue works best when follow this guideline and are careful NOT to try to use it for problem solving. But, in reality, it not only solves a problem, it solves the biggest problem in most of our marriages, lack of intimacy.
Our Masks are what prevent us from experiencing real intimacy with our spouse. Masks are not bad but they do prevent my spouse from seeing the real me. We wear our Masks all of the time. "How do I take my Mask off so my spouse can see the real me?" Dialogue is that special tool that, when used properly, removes our Masks for 10 minutes. When we Dialogue properly, we are actually removing our Mask for those 10 minutes.
Making the decision to dialogue when you don't feel like it is a big part of the decision to love. When you "feel" love it?s easy to show love. "The decision to love" is REALLY asking you to make the "decision to love" when you don't feel like it!
There are several important dynamics on the weekend.
We spend the whole weekend learning how to write and share our feelings. The whole weekend seems to evolve around: feelings, feelings and more feelings. Here's the part that I totally missed on our weekend. Every single talk on the weekend asks us to make "decisions", like the decision to love, the decision to trust, the decision to forgive, etc. The presenting team asks us to make these decisions even though we don?t feel loving, trusting or forgiving. I may not "feel" like trusting my spouse, but "the decision to trust" suggests that I trust even though I don't "feel it."
If you consider the 12 post-weekend follow-up topics, 11 of the twelve are about making these tough Decisions. Only one, Intimacy, is a feeling. That's the goal of Retrouvaille: to experience true Intimacy with our spouse.
Those of us who thought Retrouvaille was only about "feelings" missed the other part of the program, those tough "decisions". I'm absolutely convinced that we must work on both to be successful.
I've also come to learn that prayer is another important element. But I'll save that for another time.
Hang in there ... persistance pays off!
God Bless you.
-----------
April 20, 1998 - Bob & Judy Adamich:
We just came home from our weekend of rediscovery and were very excited that we were able to find somehting/someone who could help us with our difficult times. We have been receiving other professional help but all points lead to our going our separate ways. Within this community we were able to find the hope to go back to the way we had been when we had wed. We are very greatful for all who kept us and the other couples experiencing this weekend. We felt as if God had finally shown us the way which we had been searching for after such a long time.
Thanks again.
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