Managing Your Marriage
To My Wife When we were married I chose to set you free, I saw an individual who was in love with me, My love for you was vibrant and very much alive, And in our relationship I've never had to strive, Freedom was given you to come and go my love, To be your own person, flying like a dove, The woman I fell in love with had so much appeal, I cherished you my darling, my feelings so very real.
But now things have changed, I have a different view, The meaning of the word love is altogether new, I am rediscovering what love is all about, You have enlarged my heart, of that there is no doubt.
I love you with all my heart, completely and so true, Praising God every day for uniting me and you, You are a free person with your own mind and will, And I am so thankful that you choose to love me still.
Just a thought...
If you want to be loved, be lovable!:) Marriage, blessing or not? Marriage is a beautiful way to totally include the one you love in your life in every way, but it also allows you to be included in their life in every way.
Because people are different and have different ideals, standards, interests and perceptions, it is not hard to imagine that there would be some difficulties along the way.
True to form, God has set out a blueprint for marriage that will lead to success in this very complex relationship.
Even marriages that are going through hard times can be set right using God's blueprint, although it's best to apply the blueprint before things get out of hand.
It's always easier to see things in hindsight and I have learned much from a failed marriage and the lessons I have learned I am now applying to my current marriage with great success.
One of the things I have learned is that divorce is definitely not a good option.
It destroys lives, especially those of the children involved, no matter how old they are.
I don't think the destruction caused by divorce ever goes away.
Individuals It is important to recognise each other's individuality.
The best thing you can do for your spouse is to give them the freedom to be themselves.
By doing this you enhance their beauty and they will love you all the more for it.
Give your spouse the opportunity to have their own life.
Because they love you their own life will include you and your relationship will be all the richer for it.
Two individuals who are free will enjoy love as only those who are free can.
This love is what will bond the two together.
The moment you try to control or manipulate your spouse, or make them "submit", you are killing any opportunity for love to flourish.
Divorce Scripture tell us that Mat 19:8 He said to them, Because of your hard-heartedness Moses allowed you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so.
I know that things can get pretty tough when things go wrong in a relationship, but Jesus said that divorce was allowed because of our hard heartedness.
Can I suggest that if a marriage is not as good as it should be, then both should search their hearts before God to see if there is any hard heartedness there.
Things like unforgiveness can be very destructive.
For the sake of this exercise, let us rule out divorce as a bad option and look to what a marriage could be with God's blueprint applied.
I know that God is well able to restore any marriage.
The Blueprint God's blueprint for marriage is often misunderstood and has been the cause of much hardship in marriages.
Can you imagine being in a relationship where the woman is commanded to obey and submit to the husband, no matter what? Or what about when the wife remembers everything that the husband has ever done wrong? It was NEVER meant to be this way! God knows that men and women are different.
He created us that way and He also made a way for us to be able to enjoy our differences.
When understood, God's blueprint makes for a vibrant and harmonious relationship that is fulfilling and uplifting for both people.
Become part of the answer Whenever we are faced with problems, especially with other people, we can choose to become part of the problem by condemning them, or part of the answer by praying for them and working alongside them to overcome the problem.
Most people who are faced with a problem area in their lives will welcome the opportunity and support to overcome the problem.
In order to do justice to God's blueprint for marriage, we need to split this into two sections.
One for men, the other for women.
The best way to change your husband/wife, is to change yourself and become the person who blesses them and gives your best to them no matter what.
Good breeds good and bitterness breeds bitterness, but one person choosing to change can change things for both.
Give the hurts and disappointments to God and continue to pray.
Never give up hope.
For Men This is the Scriptural account of how a man should love his wife.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, Eph 5:26 that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, Eph 5:27 that He might present it to Himself as the glorious church, without spot or wrinkle or any such things, but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord loves the church.
Eph 5:30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.
Eph 5:31 "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh.
" Christ loved the church so much that He, being Lord, subjected Himself to the church as a servant, even to the point of death.
The first command here is to love your wives as Christ loved the church.
Be devoted to her to such an extent that you would be prepared to die for her.
What is love? Love is two things.
It is first an emotion or feeling that is described like this :
We all have days when emotions run dry and if love was entirely dependent on emotions, it may not last.
My experience is that when the emotion is not there for whatever reason, I can choose to love.
I can say to myself that I love my wife, and the emotion returns.
That's not to say that I have stopped loving my wife, it's just that there are occasions when the emotion isn't foremost in my mind.
This could happen for a number of reasons, such as stress, an argument, a death in the family, or something else that takes over your emotions, or maybe you're just having a bad day.
The beautiful thing about love is that, if kept alive, it will grow and blossom with years.
It will develop in maturity and become more precious with time.
Gardens Remember that gardens only get covered with weeds through lack of attention.
In the same way, love needs attention to keep it beautiful.
Also, as with a garden, what you sow is what will grow.
If you sow love, compassion, support, trust, time, friendship and patience you will have a very beautiful garden.
Likewise, if you sow disharmony, distrust, impatience, intolerance, control and judgement then your garden will be a bed of misery.
The more you give to your wife in the way of love, friendship, support, compliments, flowers etc, the more you show her how much she is appreciated and adored, the more beautiful she will become.
Sanctify and cleanse her Sanctify and cleanse your wife by including her in your living relationship with God.
As you spend time in fellowship with God together, your hearts will become one.
If your relationship with God is not as it should be then this will be hard, but it is something you can work on together.
Hopefully this page will be helpful if you need to build that relationship with God.
Read the page together and make a plan to do the things mentioned.
Plan a time that suits you both and though it may seem awkward to start with, it will open the doors to something beautiful that will be a foundation for your lives.
Spots and wrinkles Above all else, it is sin that causes blemishes on our soul.
We all have them, but God has told us that Phi 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ, There are times when spots and wrinkles in our wives will be obvious.
They are usually pretty noticeable because they offend us in some way.
Don't react! Step one is to make sure that we have pulled the plank out of our own eye! Verses 28 and 29 talk about us loving our own body and nourishing and cherishing it.
Spiritually speaking, we need to make sure that our lives are right before God before we can minister with love to our wives.
Pray for your wife.
Ask God to give you wisdom as to how to deal with the matter so that the very best results are achieved and your wife is built up instead of being criticised or put down.
Sometimes the answer may take a while to come, but as you pray for your wife (not against her) God will be working in her life and probably yours as well.
It is a marvelous thing when you can remove a spot or blemish from your wife without her even realising it was ever there.
She is uplifted and made to feel better about herself and will show the fruit of that.
I remember one time when a friend offended me.
I was really angry about it, but instead of reacting I went to God about it and asked for wisdom.
Over the next week He ministered to me and showed me how to deal with the situation.
Instead of going to my friend angrily and accusing her, I approached her quietly and told her that I was hurt by what she did.
It was important to clarify that it was her actions that hurt me rather than pointing the finger at her.
As a result she apologised and explained what had happened from her perspective.
When she explained the events they didn't seem nearly as bad and our friendship ended up being stronger because of it.
There are times when it is necessary to apologise even when you don't think it's your fault because the other person often sees things differently and it opens the door to resolving an issue that would otherwise remain unresolved.
It shouldn't be a lie, but perhaps you could apologize for how you're feeling towards the other person and this would give them the opportunity to respond.
Communication starts and this is the start of finding the answer.
The POWER of prayer There will be times when differences seem too big or too different to be resolved.
Praying together is always a good option.
Of course the enemy will try to prevent that from happening, but make an effort! If you both come before God and place the situation in His hands, two things are likely to happen.
First it will become His problem instead of yours, thereby taking tension out of the situation.
Secondly He will provide an answer which will most likely be very different from anything either of you had thought of, but both can be happy with.
What about submission? Forget it! God never said to men "make your wife submit".
Submission is more about her attitude towards you than her obeying your every command.
If your wife has to be told to, or made to submit, then she is not in submission and will find it very hard to find that place.
Her submission to you will come from her heart if you prepare the way.
This is done by making her life so wonderful that she will love you for it.
Her submission to you is nothing to do with you and is not for you to enforce.
It is between her and God and, as I said before, it is about her heart attitude towards you rather than her obedience.
If the relationship between husband and wife is not good, then someone needs to make changes.
Jesus, who is Lord of all submitted himself to the cross for the church.
If anyone needs to start making changes, it is the husband, even if he perceives himself to be in the right! Love your wife even when the going gets tough.
Love her in obedience to God if you can't do it any other way.
Make the choice to love her so much that God can not hold you to blame for anything that is wrong in your relationship.
Forgiveness Joh 3:17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him.
And so it should be with us.
Be quick to forgive before the enemy can sew seeds of bitterness or destruction.
When God forgives us we are told that Psa 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
We should also forgive in such a way that the offense is completely forgotten and remembered no more.
If you really love someone, you tend to see the good in them rather than the bad.
If love has grown cold over the years, ask God to give you His love for your wife.
There is no greater love.
Be Bold Very often men slip into the role of letting their wives make all the decisions and basically run the house and/or family.
This is usually a role that women feel uncomfortable with and it is my experience that they appreciate a man who will take the lead, not in a dominating way, but with love and integrity.
Take responsibility for your family and think about what you can do to bless them.
A day out perhaps, or make a decision to go out to a certain restaurant for tea.
God has given you a natural ability to lead your home.
If you haven't already done so, pick up the responsibility and ask God to help you and give you the wisdom to be the man that He created you to be.
Remember that leadership, tempered with love, consideration and a servants heart will give security to your wife and family.
For Women This is the Scriptural account of how a woman should be in a marriage.
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Submission - A dirty word? What exactly is submission? More than anything else, submission is a heart attitude that says "I am one with my husband".
It does not make the woman a doormat, in fact the opposite is true.
It is obvious that submission will not be easy if the husband has this expectation of his wife.
Ephesians 5:22-24 was written to wives by a loving God who was intent on blessing them, not written to husbands to give them power over their wives.
The difference between men and women was no accident.
God made us in such a way as to compliment each other and to be a blessing to each other.
It is the very nature of man to be protective and to provide for his family in every way.
A wife's right heart attitude, first to God and then to her husband, will in return bring the best out in her husband.
Encourage your husband to spend time together with you and the Lord so that the bond between you can grow and be strengthened.
The Bible teaches that a threefold cord is not quickly broken and this is very true of a cord consisting of husband, wife and a loving God.
What is love? Love is two things.
It is first an emotion or feeling that is described like this in the online dictionary
We all have days when emotions run dry and if love was entirely dependent on emotions, it may not last.
My experience is that when the emotion is not there for whatever reason, we can choose to love.
We can say I love my husband, and the emotion returns.
That's not to say that you have stopped loving your husband, it's just that there are occasions when the emotion isn't foremost in your mind.
This could happen for a number of reasons, such as stress, an argument, a death in the family, or something else that takes over your emotions, or maybe you're just having a bad day.
The beautiful thing about love is that, if kept alive, it will grow and blossom with years.
It will develop in maturity and become more precious with time.
Gardens Remember that gardens only get covered with weeds through lack of attention.
In the same way, love needs attention to keep it beautiful.
Also, as with a garden, what you sow is what will grow.
If you sow love, compassion, support, trust, time, friendship and patience you will have a very beautiful garden.
Likewise, if you sow disharmony, distrust, impatience, intolerance, control and judgement then your garden will be a bed of misery.
The more you give to your husband in the way of love, friendship, support, compliments etc, the more you show him how much he is appreciated and loved, the more beautiful your relationship will become.
Pray for him Pray for your husband and ask God to open the way for him to be included in your living relationship with God.
As you spend time in fellowship with God together, your hearts will become one.
If your relationship with God is not as it should be then this will be hard, but it is something you can work on together.
Hopefully this page will be helpful if you need to build that relationship with God.
Read the page together and make a plan to do the things mentioned.
Plan a time that suits you both and though it may seem awkward to start with, it will open the doors to something beautiful that will be a foundation for your lives.
Spots and wrinkles Above all else, it is sin that causes blemishes on our soul.
We all have them, but God has told us that Phi 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ, There are times when spots and wrinkles in your husband will be obvious.
They are usually pretty noticeable because they offend in some way.
Don't react! Step one is to make sure that you have pulled the plank out of our own eye! Verses 28 and 28 talk about us loving our own body and nourishing and cherishing it.
Spiritually speaking, we need to make sure that our lives are right before God before you can minister with love to your husband.
Pray for your husband.
Ask God to give you wisdom as to how to deal with the matter so that the very best results are achieved and your husband is built up instead of being criticised or put down.
Sometimes the answer may take a while to come, but as you pray for your husband (not against him) God will be working in his life and probably yours as well.
It is a marvelous thing when you can remove a spot or blemish from your husband without him even realising it was ever there.
He is uplifted and made to feel better about himself and will show the fruit of that.
With your support and prayer he will be more likely to take up his role in the home/relationship.
I remember one time when a friend offended me.
I was really angry about it, but instead of reacting I went to God about it and asked for wisdom.
Over the next week He ministered to me and showed me how to deal with the situation.
Instead of going to my friend angrily and accusing her, I approached her quietly and told her that I was hurt by what she did.
It was important to clarify that it was her actions that hurt me rather than pointing the finger at her.
As a result she apologized and explained what had happened from her perspective.
When she explained the events they didn't seem nearly as bad and our friendship ended up being stronger because of it.
There are times when it is necessary to apologize even when you don't think it's your fault because the other person often sees things differently and it opens the door to resolving an issue that would otherwise remain unresolved.
It shouldn't be a lie, but perhaps you could apologize for how you're feeling towards the other person and this would give them the opportunity to respond.
Communication starts and this is the start of finding the answer.
The POWER of prayer There will be times when differences seem too big or too different to be resolved.
Praying together is always a good option.
Of course the enemy will try to prevent that from happening, but make an effort! If you both come before God and place the situation in His hands, two things are likely to happen.
First it will become His problem instead of yours, thereby taking tension out of the situation.
Secondly He will provide an answer which will most likely be very different from anything either of you had thought of, but both can be happy with.
Forgiveness Joh 3:17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him.
And so it should be with us.
Be quick to forgive before the enemy can sew seeds of bitterness or destruction.
When God forgives us we are told that Psa 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
We should also forgive in such a way that the offence is completely forgotten and remembered no more.
If you really love someone, you tend to see the good in them rather than the bad.
Take the initiative, with God, to be the very best you can and enjoy the results.
God bless.
But now things have changed, I have a different view, The meaning of the word love is altogether new, I am rediscovering what love is all about, You have enlarged my heart, of that there is no doubt.
I love you with all my heart, completely and so true, Praising God every day for uniting me and you, You are a free person with your own mind and will, And I am so thankful that you choose to love me still.
Just a thought...
If you want to be loved, be lovable!:) Marriage, blessing or not? Marriage is a beautiful way to totally include the one you love in your life in every way, but it also allows you to be included in their life in every way.
Because people are different and have different ideals, standards, interests and perceptions, it is not hard to imagine that there would be some difficulties along the way.
True to form, God has set out a blueprint for marriage that will lead to success in this very complex relationship.
Even marriages that are going through hard times can be set right using God's blueprint, although it's best to apply the blueprint before things get out of hand.
It's always easier to see things in hindsight and I have learned much from a failed marriage and the lessons I have learned I am now applying to my current marriage with great success.
One of the things I have learned is that divorce is definitely not a good option.
It destroys lives, especially those of the children involved, no matter how old they are.
I don't think the destruction caused by divorce ever goes away.
Individuals It is important to recognise each other's individuality.
The best thing you can do for your spouse is to give them the freedom to be themselves.
By doing this you enhance their beauty and they will love you all the more for it.
Give your spouse the opportunity to have their own life.
Because they love you their own life will include you and your relationship will be all the richer for it.
Two individuals who are free will enjoy love as only those who are free can.
This love is what will bond the two together.
The moment you try to control or manipulate your spouse, or make them "submit", you are killing any opportunity for love to flourish.
Divorce Scripture tell us that Mat 19:8 He said to them, Because of your hard-heartedness Moses allowed you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so.
I know that things can get pretty tough when things go wrong in a relationship, but Jesus said that divorce was allowed because of our hard heartedness.
Can I suggest that if a marriage is not as good as it should be, then both should search their hearts before God to see if there is any hard heartedness there.
Things like unforgiveness can be very destructive.
For the sake of this exercise, let us rule out divorce as a bad option and look to what a marriage could be with God's blueprint applied.
I know that God is well able to restore any marriage.
The Blueprint God's blueprint for marriage is often misunderstood and has been the cause of much hardship in marriages.
Can you imagine being in a relationship where the woman is commanded to obey and submit to the husband, no matter what? Or what about when the wife remembers everything that the husband has ever done wrong? It was NEVER meant to be this way! God knows that men and women are different.
He created us that way and He also made a way for us to be able to enjoy our differences.
When understood, God's blueprint makes for a vibrant and harmonious relationship that is fulfilling and uplifting for both people.
Become part of the answer Whenever we are faced with problems, especially with other people, we can choose to become part of the problem by condemning them, or part of the answer by praying for them and working alongside them to overcome the problem.
Most people who are faced with a problem area in their lives will welcome the opportunity and support to overcome the problem.
In order to do justice to God's blueprint for marriage, we need to split this into two sections.
One for men, the other for women.
The best way to change your husband/wife, is to change yourself and become the person who blesses them and gives your best to them no matter what.
Good breeds good and bitterness breeds bitterness, but one person choosing to change can change things for both.
Give the hurts and disappointments to God and continue to pray.
Never give up hope.
For Men This is the Scriptural account of how a man should love his wife.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, Eph 5:26 that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, Eph 5:27 that He might present it to Himself as the glorious church, without spot or wrinkle or any such things, but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord loves the church.
Eph 5:30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.
Eph 5:31 "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh.
" Christ loved the church so much that He, being Lord, subjected Himself to the church as a servant, even to the point of death.
The first command here is to love your wives as Christ loved the church.
Be devoted to her to such an extent that you would be prepared to die for her.
What is love? Love is two things.
It is first an emotion or feeling that is described like this :
- A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
- A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair.
We all have days when emotions run dry and if love was entirely dependent on emotions, it may not last.
My experience is that when the emotion is not there for whatever reason, I can choose to love.
I can say to myself that I love my wife, and the emotion returns.
That's not to say that I have stopped loving my wife, it's just that there are occasions when the emotion isn't foremost in my mind.
This could happen for a number of reasons, such as stress, an argument, a death in the family, or something else that takes over your emotions, or maybe you're just having a bad day.
The beautiful thing about love is that, if kept alive, it will grow and blossom with years.
It will develop in maturity and become more precious with time.
Gardens Remember that gardens only get covered with weeds through lack of attention.
In the same way, love needs attention to keep it beautiful.
Also, as with a garden, what you sow is what will grow.
If you sow love, compassion, support, trust, time, friendship and patience you will have a very beautiful garden.
Likewise, if you sow disharmony, distrust, impatience, intolerance, control and judgement then your garden will be a bed of misery.
The more you give to your wife in the way of love, friendship, support, compliments, flowers etc, the more you show her how much she is appreciated and adored, the more beautiful she will become.
Sanctify and cleanse her Sanctify and cleanse your wife by including her in your living relationship with God.
As you spend time in fellowship with God together, your hearts will become one.
If your relationship with God is not as it should be then this will be hard, but it is something you can work on together.
Hopefully this page will be helpful if you need to build that relationship with God.
Read the page together and make a plan to do the things mentioned.
Plan a time that suits you both and though it may seem awkward to start with, it will open the doors to something beautiful that will be a foundation for your lives.
Spots and wrinkles Above all else, it is sin that causes blemishes on our soul.
We all have them, but God has told us that Phi 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ, There are times when spots and wrinkles in our wives will be obvious.
They are usually pretty noticeable because they offend us in some way.
Don't react! Step one is to make sure that we have pulled the plank out of our own eye! Verses 28 and 29 talk about us loving our own body and nourishing and cherishing it.
Spiritually speaking, we need to make sure that our lives are right before God before we can minister with love to our wives.
Pray for your wife.
Ask God to give you wisdom as to how to deal with the matter so that the very best results are achieved and your wife is built up instead of being criticised or put down.
Sometimes the answer may take a while to come, but as you pray for your wife (not against her) God will be working in her life and probably yours as well.
It is a marvelous thing when you can remove a spot or blemish from your wife without her even realising it was ever there.
She is uplifted and made to feel better about herself and will show the fruit of that.
I remember one time when a friend offended me.
I was really angry about it, but instead of reacting I went to God about it and asked for wisdom.
Over the next week He ministered to me and showed me how to deal with the situation.
Instead of going to my friend angrily and accusing her, I approached her quietly and told her that I was hurt by what she did.
It was important to clarify that it was her actions that hurt me rather than pointing the finger at her.
As a result she apologised and explained what had happened from her perspective.
When she explained the events they didn't seem nearly as bad and our friendship ended up being stronger because of it.
There are times when it is necessary to apologise even when you don't think it's your fault because the other person often sees things differently and it opens the door to resolving an issue that would otherwise remain unresolved.
It shouldn't be a lie, but perhaps you could apologize for how you're feeling towards the other person and this would give them the opportunity to respond.
Communication starts and this is the start of finding the answer.
The POWER of prayer There will be times when differences seem too big or too different to be resolved.
Praying together is always a good option.
Of course the enemy will try to prevent that from happening, but make an effort! If you both come before God and place the situation in His hands, two things are likely to happen.
First it will become His problem instead of yours, thereby taking tension out of the situation.
Secondly He will provide an answer which will most likely be very different from anything either of you had thought of, but both can be happy with.
What about submission? Forget it! God never said to men "make your wife submit".
Submission is more about her attitude towards you than her obeying your every command.
If your wife has to be told to, or made to submit, then she is not in submission and will find it very hard to find that place.
Her submission to you will come from her heart if you prepare the way.
This is done by making her life so wonderful that she will love you for it.
Her submission to you is nothing to do with you and is not for you to enforce.
It is between her and God and, as I said before, it is about her heart attitude towards you rather than her obedience.
If the relationship between husband and wife is not good, then someone needs to make changes.
Jesus, who is Lord of all submitted himself to the cross for the church.
If anyone needs to start making changes, it is the husband, even if he perceives himself to be in the right! Love your wife even when the going gets tough.
Love her in obedience to God if you can't do it any other way.
Make the choice to love her so much that God can not hold you to blame for anything that is wrong in your relationship.
Forgiveness Joh 3:17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him.
And so it should be with us.
Be quick to forgive before the enemy can sew seeds of bitterness or destruction.
When God forgives us we are told that Psa 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
We should also forgive in such a way that the offense is completely forgotten and remembered no more.
If you really love someone, you tend to see the good in them rather than the bad.
If love has grown cold over the years, ask God to give you His love for your wife.
There is no greater love.
Be Bold Very often men slip into the role of letting their wives make all the decisions and basically run the house and/or family.
This is usually a role that women feel uncomfortable with and it is my experience that they appreciate a man who will take the lead, not in a dominating way, but with love and integrity.
Take responsibility for your family and think about what you can do to bless them.
A day out perhaps, or make a decision to go out to a certain restaurant for tea.
God has given you a natural ability to lead your home.
If you haven't already done so, pick up the responsibility and ask God to help you and give you the wisdom to be the man that He created you to be.
Remember that leadership, tempered with love, consideration and a servants heart will give security to your wife and family.
For Women This is the Scriptural account of how a woman should be in a marriage.
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Submission - A dirty word? What exactly is submission? More than anything else, submission is a heart attitude that says "I am one with my husband".
It does not make the woman a doormat, in fact the opposite is true.
It is obvious that submission will not be easy if the husband has this expectation of his wife.
Ephesians 5:22-24 was written to wives by a loving God who was intent on blessing them, not written to husbands to give them power over their wives.
The difference between men and women was no accident.
God made us in such a way as to compliment each other and to be a blessing to each other.
It is the very nature of man to be protective and to provide for his family in every way.
A wife's right heart attitude, first to God and then to her husband, will in return bring the best out in her husband.
Encourage your husband to spend time together with you and the Lord so that the bond between you can grow and be strengthened.
The Bible teaches that a threefold cord is not quickly broken and this is very true of a cord consisting of husband, wife and a loving God.
What is love? Love is two things.
It is first an emotion or feeling that is described like this in the online dictionary
- A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
- A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair.
We all have days when emotions run dry and if love was entirely dependent on emotions, it may not last.
My experience is that when the emotion is not there for whatever reason, we can choose to love.
We can say I love my husband, and the emotion returns.
That's not to say that you have stopped loving your husband, it's just that there are occasions when the emotion isn't foremost in your mind.
This could happen for a number of reasons, such as stress, an argument, a death in the family, or something else that takes over your emotions, or maybe you're just having a bad day.
The beautiful thing about love is that, if kept alive, it will grow and blossom with years.
It will develop in maturity and become more precious with time.
Gardens Remember that gardens only get covered with weeds through lack of attention.
In the same way, love needs attention to keep it beautiful.
Also, as with a garden, what you sow is what will grow.
If you sow love, compassion, support, trust, time, friendship and patience you will have a very beautiful garden.
Likewise, if you sow disharmony, distrust, impatience, intolerance, control and judgement then your garden will be a bed of misery.
The more you give to your husband in the way of love, friendship, support, compliments etc, the more you show him how much he is appreciated and loved, the more beautiful your relationship will become.
Pray for him Pray for your husband and ask God to open the way for him to be included in your living relationship with God.
As you spend time in fellowship with God together, your hearts will become one.
If your relationship with God is not as it should be then this will be hard, but it is something you can work on together.
Hopefully this page will be helpful if you need to build that relationship with God.
Read the page together and make a plan to do the things mentioned.
Plan a time that suits you both and though it may seem awkward to start with, it will open the doors to something beautiful that will be a foundation for your lives.
Spots and wrinkles Above all else, it is sin that causes blemishes on our soul.
We all have them, but God has told us that Phi 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ, There are times when spots and wrinkles in your husband will be obvious.
They are usually pretty noticeable because they offend in some way.
Don't react! Step one is to make sure that you have pulled the plank out of our own eye! Verses 28 and 28 talk about us loving our own body and nourishing and cherishing it.
Spiritually speaking, we need to make sure that our lives are right before God before you can minister with love to your husband.
Pray for your husband.
Ask God to give you wisdom as to how to deal with the matter so that the very best results are achieved and your husband is built up instead of being criticised or put down.
Sometimes the answer may take a while to come, but as you pray for your husband (not against him) God will be working in his life and probably yours as well.
It is a marvelous thing when you can remove a spot or blemish from your husband without him even realising it was ever there.
He is uplifted and made to feel better about himself and will show the fruit of that.
With your support and prayer he will be more likely to take up his role in the home/relationship.
I remember one time when a friend offended me.
I was really angry about it, but instead of reacting I went to God about it and asked for wisdom.
Over the next week He ministered to me and showed me how to deal with the situation.
Instead of going to my friend angrily and accusing her, I approached her quietly and told her that I was hurt by what she did.
It was important to clarify that it was her actions that hurt me rather than pointing the finger at her.
As a result she apologized and explained what had happened from her perspective.
When she explained the events they didn't seem nearly as bad and our friendship ended up being stronger because of it.
There are times when it is necessary to apologize even when you don't think it's your fault because the other person often sees things differently and it opens the door to resolving an issue that would otherwise remain unresolved.
It shouldn't be a lie, but perhaps you could apologize for how you're feeling towards the other person and this would give them the opportunity to respond.
Communication starts and this is the start of finding the answer.
The POWER of prayer There will be times when differences seem too big or too different to be resolved.
Praying together is always a good option.
Of course the enemy will try to prevent that from happening, but make an effort! If you both come before God and place the situation in His hands, two things are likely to happen.
First it will become His problem instead of yours, thereby taking tension out of the situation.
Secondly He will provide an answer which will most likely be very different from anything either of you had thought of, but both can be happy with.
Forgiveness Joh 3:17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him.
And so it should be with us.
Be quick to forgive before the enemy can sew seeds of bitterness or destruction.
When God forgives us we are told that Psa 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
We should also forgive in such a way that the offence is completely forgotten and remembered no more.
If you really love someone, you tend to see the good in them rather than the bad.
Take the initiative, with God, to be the very best you can and enjoy the results.
God bless.
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