If you want to know one of the common causes of divorce, you could ask, "Why do people blame others?" Question: What is the first words out of Adam's mouth when God asked him why he had eaten of the Forbidden Tree? Answer: "That women you gave me did give me to eat.
" You see, even before things got off to a good start in the Genesis of this world, blaming was to become an art.
It is sad to see it has not gotten any better.
It seems many folks are willing, ready and able to make excuses for everything going on in their lives, except for the few successes they may have.
You never hear them make excuses for their few successes.
I say they are few because they live in a world of believing nothing good ever happens to them.
It always your fault or my fault or someone else's fault.
There is always a handy excuse nearby for any perceived short fall on their part.
There are rarely any reasons.
They are more than happy to blame it on; the spouse the boss the dog the neighbors cat the economy the experts whoever is closest at the time "Why do folks blame others, Kloyd?" Good question and it deserves a good answer.
It is easy to use other folks as an excuse for doing nothing or something going array.
These folks would rather blame than take charge of their lives and be responsible.
(In all fairness some of these folks are just plain damaged and suffer sever loss of self esteem.
) I know for a fact successful marriages do things differently.
They do not blame each other.
They pull together in all instances.
They know their successes and failures come as a result of joint effort.
They keep their power for themselves, thus avoiding causing pain through blame.
Instead...
These happy couples analyze their problems, which are actually growth opportunities.
It is all how these opportunities are viewed.
Positively or negatively.
Once they have analyzed the situation an action plan is devised to solve the issue, together.
They use this positive approach to eliminate any causes of divorce from their marriage.
It is instinctive to move away from pain to pleasure.
Most of us seem to have a knack at making our pain worse.
So we have a couple of choices.
We can be smart about it and our reduce our pain or we can be dumb about it and make it worse.
Everyone has growth opportunities or problems if you wish.
It is not about being a good person or a bad person.
It is just about how those opportunities are handled that makes a person grow and have a fulfilled life or one filled with a lot of pain and grief.
The way I see it, there are two choices to make: (1)see the opportunity, take charge of resolving and fix it (2)see the problem, blame other people i.
e.
your spouse and create greater pain.
Even though the first option seems to be ideal, people have a tendency to go for the second choice.
Why is that? It is easier to: blame others be or stay lazy just hope for a miracle, such as: winning the lottery, etc.
These kind of people are looking for a quick fix and that fix unfortunately is their mate directly and the public or environment at large.
This person is jeopardizing themselves and their marriage.
They are keeping themselves from growing and developing skills for dealing with life's opportunities.
Teddy Roosevelt has a little advice for these weak and timid souls.
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...
than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
" Remember, even in the best of marriages problems don't leave, people do.
Please, Please, Please do not allow the fault of blaming to become a cause of divorce in your marriage.
If you are a blamer, take the steps now to save your marriage.
If you think your loving spouse is more important to you than your need to blame an innocent person for your own weaknesses, take action now.