Question:

I have a group of friends, there are about six of us, and one of the people in this group really bothers me. She’s rude, loud, and I’m tired of taking her jabs. I don’t like her sense of humor. I want to break up with her, but I like hanging out with the other people in the group. How can I avoid her without leaving the group?

Answer:

The short response is that you can’t. A group friendship means that certain people are going to be included whether you like it or not.

You can be cordial to the one person you don’t care for and at the same time be yourself with the rest of the group, but even this can get ugly sometimes. People in a group don’t like it when one person doesn’t like someone else. It upsets the rhythm of the group and limits the activities that can be planned.

If you ask the other group members not to invite this person, you’ll probably receive backlash, especially if you’re the only one that has a problem with her. When you insist that the group choose between you and someone else, you might not like their choice.

Avoid trying to get the rest of the group members to go against this person, especially if there are no other issues that exist. Don’t rally people against someone else. This type of behavior is unkind and always backfires eventually.

Instead, realize that you won’t like everyone all the time. Do your best to be kind and open to this person when you need to see them with the group. You don’t have to be best friends with them, but you will have to put up with them if you want to be friends with the rest of the group.

If this individual is a destructive force, she will alienate others. If that happens, you can share your experience with them. But until then, be pleasant, take the high road, and try to look for the best in this person. After all, if your other friends like her there might be something good in her that you just haven’t seen yet.