One of my favorite songs is The Rose by Bette Midler.
The first line aptly describes what many guys think is the definition of love and intimacy; that is, "Love is like a river that drowns the tender reed.
" In other words, the common picture of love and intimacy is sex.
However, true intimacy is much more than that three letter word.
This article discusses five tips to gaining and maintaining a truly intimate relationship with a spouse or lover.
Safe and Secure Atmosphere The first tip to a deeper intimacy is to maintain a safe and secure atmosphere in the relationship.
Both men and women want a certain amount of security before they will feel safe enough to share their whole lives.
Men want to be respected and don't want to be embarrassed.
Talking about a man's weaknesses or failures in public or behind their backs will undermine their feelings of trust.
Women want physical, emotional and financial security.
Infidelity or failure to provide for basic needs can drive a wedge in her heart and cause her to lose faith and withhold respect.
Communication A second tip for intimacy with your spouse or lover is to maintain open lines of communication.
Communication means spending sufficient time sharing, talking and listening.
Intimate lovers learn to share openly without fear of disapproval or judgment.
They learn and apply active listening techniques in order to keep up with busy schedules and to plan their lives together.
Research shows that women have a greater capacity for communicating than men.
If men want their wives or lovers to remain close, they have to sacrifice time to build their stamina for active conversation on a frequent basis.
Good communication skills also come in handy in times of conflict.
Learning how to handle conflict in a constructive manner is another tool for maintaining intimate, passionate relationships.
Interest and Understanding A third tip for maintaining intimacy with a lover or spouse is to take a genuine interest in them as human beings and seek to understand them as best possible.
When you are genuinely interested in another person, you will spend time with them.
During that time with them, you will seek to understand them through active conversation and careful observation of their mannerisms.
If your spouse or lover enjoys a certain hobby or activity, intimacy will be enhanced by taking a sincere interest in learning about activity or hobby.
Continue Dating Often after the initial honeymoon of a relationship comes to a close, couples stop dating.
Life is busy.
Spouses and lovers are tired after a hectic day.
Often, it is hard to find time at home to talk each night.
Planning time to get out of the house for a date night can go along way towards keeping the flame of passion alive.
Making time to get out; finding a quiet restaurant to be alone and enjoy each others' company shows that you care enough to spend special time with the other.
Read Books and or Attend Seminars Together No one is perfect.
No one knows everything about maintaining an intimate relationship with a spouse or lover.
Sometimes, a relationship develops blind spots that cause a rift in the hearts.
There are tons of resources available to help couples diagnose blind spots and get through the tough times.
One way to fine tune the relationship together is to read good books or attend seminars that help couples learn new skills and teach them how to keep the flame alive.
Counselling is another wonderful way to re-orient and gain greater intimacy.
Love and intimacy is so much more than sex.
In fact, oftimes sex gets in the way of a meaningful relationship with a spouse or lover.
This article discusses five tips on how to maintain an intimate relationship with a spouse or lover.