What the Bible Says about Flirting
“They’re such a flirt!” is a common statement today, and it’s usually said with a laugh. Flirting today is seen as something not so serious, and it’s now considered by many to be an acceptable form of communication between men and women. Yet, the Bible doesn’t quite take it as something light. Just like any of our behaviors, we have to examine where they come from and consider what the Bible says about flirting.
Honest Flirting
The Bible is clear that expressing love in a good and honest way is a positive thing. We should be able to tell one another how we feel. Flirting can be an expression of that. Sometimes it’s easy to flirt with a person we’re truly interested in and it opens a door to deeper expressions of love as a relationship grows. The dictionary definition of flirting is that it is not a serious way to express interest. If we flirt without honesty, we are not being good representatives of Christ. So why would we flirt needlessly if it displeases God.
Matthew 15:11- Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man. (NKJV)
Flirting vs. Lust
Lust is also a pretty big deal in the Bible. If you are flirting from a place of lust you’re not being respectful of the other person. Love is what the Bible asks us to strive for. Real, honest, respectful love. Lust is something much more selfish and can easily keep us from finding what is something far more beautiful.
We need to assess our flirting behavior to see if it is just coming from a superficial place of lust or a deeper desire to truly get to know a person.
Matthew 5:28-29 - But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (NLT)
Flirting is Selfish
When we talk about our flirting potentially being dishonest or lustful, we mean that it is something rather selfish. Often people flirt as a way to feed their own egos or compete with others. That’s not very biblical. We’re not supposed to only consider ourselves. We are asked to consider God. Flirting often becomes more about us feeding our own self-worth. But is getting the attention of the opposite sex really the way to feel better about ourselves if it doesn’t come from a more significant emotional place? It is only superficial, like buying a new pair of shoes, and it doesn’t last very long. Our self-worth shouldn’t be tied up in the attention of others, but in ourselves and our relationship with God.
Philippians 2:3-5 - Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus (NIV)
Considering Your Reputation
While we laugh when we call people flirts, think about where the laughter is really coming from. When you’re called a flirt, no one is taking you very seriously. Even if you are truly interested in a person, your reputation as a flirt means they may not even consider you a true option. Sometimes being considered a flirt can also be equated with promiscuity. When we’re trying to be a light unto others, being considered a flirt in a negative sense means that we’re not exactly demonstrating God’s integrity to others.
1 Corinthians 4:1- This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. (ESV)
Leading Others into Temptation
It’s just harmless flirtation, right? Well, you might think so. You might think flattery and joking in a flirtatious manner is nothing but cute, but what does that other person think? Are you really leading them on the right path or are you tempting them into behaviors that aren’t very Biblical? We don’t always know what’s in other people’s minds, but we should try to consider where our behavior is leading others. We need to be God’s children in their eyes and not taking them down a path away from God.
Matthew 18:7 - The world is in for trouble because of the way it causes people to sin. There will always be something to cause people to sin, but anyone who does this will be in for trouble. (CEV)
Honest Flirting
The Bible is clear that expressing love in a good and honest way is a positive thing. We should be able to tell one another how we feel. Flirting can be an expression of that. Sometimes it’s easy to flirt with a person we’re truly interested in and it opens a door to deeper expressions of love as a relationship grows. The dictionary definition of flirting is that it is not a serious way to express interest. If we flirt without honesty, we are not being good representatives of Christ. So why would we flirt needlessly if it displeases God.
Matthew 15:11- Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man. (NKJV)
Flirting vs. Lust
Lust is also a pretty big deal in the Bible. If you are flirting from a place of lust you’re not being respectful of the other person. Love is what the Bible asks us to strive for. Real, honest, respectful love. Lust is something much more selfish and can easily keep us from finding what is something far more beautiful.
We need to assess our flirting behavior to see if it is just coming from a superficial place of lust or a deeper desire to truly get to know a person.
Matthew 5:28-29 - But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (NLT)
Flirting is Selfish
When we talk about our flirting potentially being dishonest or lustful, we mean that it is something rather selfish. Often people flirt as a way to feed their own egos or compete with others. That’s not very biblical. We’re not supposed to only consider ourselves. We are asked to consider God. Flirting often becomes more about us feeding our own self-worth. But is getting the attention of the opposite sex really the way to feel better about ourselves if it doesn’t come from a more significant emotional place? It is only superficial, like buying a new pair of shoes, and it doesn’t last very long. Our self-worth shouldn’t be tied up in the attention of others, but in ourselves and our relationship with God.
Philippians 2:3-5 - Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus (NIV)
Considering Your Reputation
While we laugh when we call people flirts, think about where the laughter is really coming from. When you’re called a flirt, no one is taking you very seriously. Even if you are truly interested in a person, your reputation as a flirt means they may not even consider you a true option. Sometimes being considered a flirt can also be equated with promiscuity. When we’re trying to be a light unto others, being considered a flirt in a negative sense means that we’re not exactly demonstrating God’s integrity to others.
1 Corinthians 4:1- This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. (ESV)
Leading Others into Temptation
It’s just harmless flirtation, right? Well, you might think so. You might think flattery and joking in a flirtatious manner is nothing but cute, but what does that other person think? Are you really leading them on the right path or are you tempting them into behaviors that aren’t very Biblical? We don’t always know what’s in other people’s minds, but we should try to consider where our behavior is leading others. We need to be God’s children in their eyes and not taking them down a path away from God.
Matthew 18:7 - The world is in for trouble because of the way it causes people to sin. There will always be something to cause people to sin, but anyone who does this will be in for trouble. (CEV)
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