Survive Transition and Icky Neutral Zones
Sick of what you are doing? Ready to leave your old world but not sure what your new world is? In that painful in-between place? Ahhhhhh transitions.
The tricky challenge of moving from one world or way of being into another.
When life kicks us out of our comfort zone so we can become our next self.
I have been going through a big transition myself these last couple of years and as it picks up speed and completes (at least on one level) it seems at every turn I am encountering others who are going through the same, sometimes really challenging process.
So a little article on transitions and that awkward uncertainty stage called 'the neutral zone' seemed in order (to both reassure myself and others that transitions really are perfectly normal and a necessary component of a well lived life).
Stages of Transition:There is a terrific author named Bill Bridges, who has done a lot of research and writing on the topic of transition.
I particularly like his book called The Way of Transition.
In it (and in his other books) he explains the typical stages of transition.
That we tend to do through three big 'Ds': disenchantment, disidentification and disorientation (the neutral zone) before we pop out the other side into a different way of being and stabilize again.
Disenchantment Phase: Disenchantment is the phase that I see a lot of folks in lately.
They come for coaching or my specialized graphics training because they are looking for something different - the same ol' same ol' just doesn't cut it and they look for something that will add spark, spice or excitement to their life.
Get them out of the 'ho hums' they have been feeling for a while.
Disenchantment is the same as the first stage in my SHIFT-IT process: Satisfaction Interrupted.
Might be an entrepreneur who wants to change the nature or pace of their business.
A skilled professional who is good at but bored by their status quo.
A corporate employee who is thinking about jumping ship into a free agent lifestyle.
Whatever the circumstances, they are disenchanted with the phase they are now in (which once suited them fine) and are looking for something different.
Dis-identification Phase:After or during the disenchantment phase you enter into disidentification.
In this phase a person either voluntarily dis-identifies themselves from their old life, or something happens to them that causes a separation.
Their old identity starts to break up.
For myself, this happened when I was no longer satisfied with being a Graphic Recorder and started the convoluted process of becoming a Graphic Facilitator and then a Graphic Coach.
The proverbial s#it hit the fan as my geographical location radically shifted and a core relationship also broke up - paving the way for greater shifts.
I had to drop identification with one identity in order for a new one to emerge.
For me, this identity drop and shift has taken about six years and has gone through multiple levels.
This is the same for many of my clients who are in career or business transitions.
They have done something for quite a long time, and might be very good at it and get accolades, but it no longer 'does it' for them personally anymore.
Others might identity them that way still but they themselves no longer do.
They often also have the challenge of having their livelihoods and incomes wrapped around this old identity - so it is tricky to find a better feeling replacement right away.
So they keep the 'day job' so to speak going, long after they have any vested identity in it.
Kind of get stuck, especially when feelings of doubt and uncertainty prevail.
Wandering in the Neutral Zone: What happens next is a disorientation phase, where one can feel really lost and confused and alone.
Where you have let go of the old on an emotional level (maybe not physical) but the new hasn't come into focus yet.
A limbo land.
Like letting go of one trapeze and hoping the other one will emerge in time for you to grab it.
Bridges has coined the phrase 'the neutral zone' to eloquently describe this experience.
Like wandering in the desert or being on your own personal pilgrimage.
It is often in fact a kind of spiritual experience to get through your neutral zone and emerge out the other side.
Difficult to hang in there when you don't really know what you are doing or where you are going.
Or how things will somehow stabilize into a new reality.
Natural Process Like the Seasons: It is fitting to be writing about transitions as we go into winter.
When you are in it, the neutral zone can seem like it goes on forever with no end in sight.
However that is not the case.
It is 'not terminal' as Bridges reassures.
It is just the prelude to something new.
A time of endings and beginnings - just like winter is and then spring follows.
All seems to stop for a while but it does pop back up again just when all seems dead or despairing.
It really does! The Bigger Picture:To get a sense of these cycles it is often very helpful to map out your life journey to date.
So you can SEE your own cycle of transition and change and view how things really do morph and find their own conclusions, like a stream finding its way through the landscape.
Your story does go on.
It always has.
It always will.
Creating your Life Map will help you appreciate that.
To develop some faith that this too shall pass and certainty and confidence will return again and you will get moving and going again.
Other Things That Can Help:It also helps to just appreciate and accept the process you are in - to give into it and trust it.
As opposed to fighting or resisting it.
And to just do whatever little steps are in front of you that you do have some interest or energy for.
One little, better-feeling step at a time.
Doing your best to notice and identify what you do like and do feel good about and move towards that as much as you can.
Like will attract like.
You will eventually "SHIFT-IT" and move into a new identity (which you will eventually transition out of too - cause that is just the way life goes, change never really ends!).
As someone is quoted as saying 'life is just one darn thing after another' and that actually isn't such a bad thing when you really consider the alternatives.
It is all in how you look at it.
All the best with navigating your transitions and in making it through the 'icky' (that is a technical term - smile) neutral zone - stability really is somewhere just around the corner.
Hang in there! © 2006 Christina L.
Merkley The SHIFT-IT Graphic Coach
The tricky challenge of moving from one world or way of being into another.
When life kicks us out of our comfort zone so we can become our next self.
I have been going through a big transition myself these last couple of years and as it picks up speed and completes (at least on one level) it seems at every turn I am encountering others who are going through the same, sometimes really challenging process.
So a little article on transitions and that awkward uncertainty stage called 'the neutral zone' seemed in order (to both reassure myself and others that transitions really are perfectly normal and a necessary component of a well lived life).
Stages of Transition:There is a terrific author named Bill Bridges, who has done a lot of research and writing on the topic of transition.
I particularly like his book called The Way of Transition.
In it (and in his other books) he explains the typical stages of transition.
That we tend to do through three big 'Ds': disenchantment, disidentification and disorientation (the neutral zone) before we pop out the other side into a different way of being and stabilize again.
Disenchantment Phase: Disenchantment is the phase that I see a lot of folks in lately.
They come for coaching or my specialized graphics training because they are looking for something different - the same ol' same ol' just doesn't cut it and they look for something that will add spark, spice or excitement to their life.
Get them out of the 'ho hums' they have been feeling for a while.
Disenchantment is the same as the first stage in my SHIFT-IT process: Satisfaction Interrupted.
Might be an entrepreneur who wants to change the nature or pace of their business.
A skilled professional who is good at but bored by their status quo.
A corporate employee who is thinking about jumping ship into a free agent lifestyle.
Whatever the circumstances, they are disenchanted with the phase they are now in (which once suited them fine) and are looking for something different.
Dis-identification Phase:After or during the disenchantment phase you enter into disidentification.
In this phase a person either voluntarily dis-identifies themselves from their old life, or something happens to them that causes a separation.
Their old identity starts to break up.
For myself, this happened when I was no longer satisfied with being a Graphic Recorder and started the convoluted process of becoming a Graphic Facilitator and then a Graphic Coach.
The proverbial s#it hit the fan as my geographical location radically shifted and a core relationship also broke up - paving the way for greater shifts.
I had to drop identification with one identity in order for a new one to emerge.
For me, this identity drop and shift has taken about six years and has gone through multiple levels.
This is the same for many of my clients who are in career or business transitions.
They have done something for quite a long time, and might be very good at it and get accolades, but it no longer 'does it' for them personally anymore.
Others might identity them that way still but they themselves no longer do.
They often also have the challenge of having their livelihoods and incomes wrapped around this old identity - so it is tricky to find a better feeling replacement right away.
So they keep the 'day job' so to speak going, long after they have any vested identity in it.
Kind of get stuck, especially when feelings of doubt and uncertainty prevail.
Wandering in the Neutral Zone: What happens next is a disorientation phase, where one can feel really lost and confused and alone.
Where you have let go of the old on an emotional level (maybe not physical) but the new hasn't come into focus yet.
A limbo land.
Like letting go of one trapeze and hoping the other one will emerge in time for you to grab it.
Bridges has coined the phrase 'the neutral zone' to eloquently describe this experience.
Like wandering in the desert or being on your own personal pilgrimage.
It is often in fact a kind of spiritual experience to get through your neutral zone and emerge out the other side.
Difficult to hang in there when you don't really know what you are doing or where you are going.
Or how things will somehow stabilize into a new reality.
Natural Process Like the Seasons: It is fitting to be writing about transitions as we go into winter.
When you are in it, the neutral zone can seem like it goes on forever with no end in sight.
However that is not the case.
It is 'not terminal' as Bridges reassures.
It is just the prelude to something new.
A time of endings and beginnings - just like winter is and then spring follows.
All seems to stop for a while but it does pop back up again just when all seems dead or despairing.
It really does! The Bigger Picture:To get a sense of these cycles it is often very helpful to map out your life journey to date.
So you can SEE your own cycle of transition and change and view how things really do morph and find their own conclusions, like a stream finding its way through the landscape.
Your story does go on.
It always has.
It always will.
Creating your Life Map will help you appreciate that.
To develop some faith that this too shall pass and certainty and confidence will return again and you will get moving and going again.
Other Things That Can Help:It also helps to just appreciate and accept the process you are in - to give into it and trust it.
As opposed to fighting or resisting it.
And to just do whatever little steps are in front of you that you do have some interest or energy for.
One little, better-feeling step at a time.
Doing your best to notice and identify what you do like and do feel good about and move towards that as much as you can.
Like will attract like.
You will eventually "SHIFT-IT" and move into a new identity (which you will eventually transition out of too - cause that is just the way life goes, change never really ends!).
As someone is quoted as saying 'life is just one darn thing after another' and that actually isn't such a bad thing when you really consider the alternatives.
It is all in how you look at it.
All the best with navigating your transitions and in making it through the 'icky' (that is a technical term - smile) neutral zone - stability really is somewhere just around the corner.
Hang in there! © 2006 Christina L.
Merkley The SHIFT-IT Graphic Coach
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