Bring an End To a Long-Term Relationship - Cleaning House
You are informing her that she make arrangements with you to retrieve her items by a specified date (30 days from notification is sufficient) or you will be placing them into a storage facility. Indicate that you will be paying for the facility for only the first month of storage and will forward the facility information to her should storage be necessary. Also indicate that, should it be necessary for you place all of her items into storage, you will not assume any liability for loss or damage to any items, during the move to the facility, or while in storage. Do not be harassing or cynical within your letter. You are simply informing her of the actions you will be taking, as you would, if you never had an intimate relationship with her.
As a side note to you, keep in touch with the storage facility if there are items of value being placed in it. One man told me of how he placed an ex's items in storage and bought everything back at auction 6 months later when she failed to continue paying. As he was the only one aware of the contents within one of the sealed boxes, he obtained a rare coin collection (valued at over $2000) for less than $250.
1. Pets:
It goes without saying that if she moved in with you, and she brought a pet with her, that it will leave with her, even if you've grown attached to the little feather or fur-ball. If you aren't living together, but have been caring for her pet out of necessity for some reason, she should take that pet with her. Unless she agrees that the animal is now yours, and you assume ownership, do not keep her animal for any reason. This is a major "tie" that will bind you together. If she is willing for you to assume ownership of the pet, and you are also agreeable to the arrangement, make it legal. A simple transfer of ownership, handwritten on a piece of paper and signed by her, will suffice in court should she decide in time that she is again wanting the animal for some reason. This will prevent any claims from her that you were simply holding or caring for it, until she finally found a new home for it. Depending on the value of an animal, it may become important to her to reacquire it a later date, and without proof that she gave away ownership, she may actually succeed in obtaining it back from you.
As for a pet that you both acquired as a couple living together, it should be dealt with in a way similar to a child. Discuss who can best care for the animal, and where it should be placed, for it to remain healthy and happy. This could involve children's attachment, living conditions, work hours, and an assortment of considerations that must be rationalized by both of you. Here again, at the conclusion and final determination, a signed document indicating ownership should be given to the person who takes possession.
2. Children:
If any are present, this subject presents a myriad of problems and every situation may be unique. If your relationship together resulted in a birth of a child then it is best to consult a lawyer regarding custody.
There are often children involved in a broken relationship that weren't born of that union together. Hers or your own that the other grew fond of. In most cases, when the woman makes a decision to end a relationship she has already realized that the relationship with your children will end as well. She may have some regret at losing any closeness with them but she has other people in her life that will quickly cause her to lose interest in their well being.
As for you, that could be a different story. You may have loved her child/children as if they were your own and had a very good relationship with them. It can be a double hit upon your emotions. Not only are you losing your mate but children you saw through a
period of growing up. You will never be angry at them, as you will be with their mother for leaving you. Depending on the length of the relationship, the attachment to her children could be significant.
You may find it easier to cut off all contact with them or decide to make contact on a limited basis, such as birthday cards and seasonal greetings. This depends on your personality, ability to handle a situation that puts you in limited contact with your ex, and your attachment to the child/children. Much of it will depend on the child, as well. An older child may have the desire and ability to stay in contact, whereas a younger one will not.
The one thing you must do, as you would in a marriage that ended, is to explain to a child that you and their mother will not be together any longer, should your ex allow this opportunity. Do not go into detailed reasons, other than saying it was not your decision, but that you must accept the decision of their mother. Assure them that they had no part in the break-up and you will always care about them.
Be aware of the fact that, as time goes by, your ex may influence her children's attitude toward you. If things do not go as planned for her, she may find reason to reflect anger toward you, and convince her children to be angry with you as well. She may possibly place blame on you for things you had little or no control over that affected her new life. It is very likely that your ex will not want you to continue having contact of any kind with her children, as you may have been a positive influence that is affecting her new relationship, and preventing her children from accepting her new beau. Children will want to support and believe their mother so don't blame them for their parent's immaturity, should this occur. Should the time come when her children stop maintaining contact, just accept it as another reason that your ex is best with someone else, rather than you.
By cleaning house you are conveying to her that you have accepted that the relationship has ended. You are also doing what needs to be done and should be done, at the end of a relationship. You are conducting yourself in a business-like manner and have begun conducting new business. You are severing all ties to her that you possibly can. You don't want reminders of her, or for her to have an excuse to call you looking for one or two items, as she needs them. You are no longer interested in watching or holding her items for her. In doing this for her, you are making her life easier, but not yours. You want her to understand that whatever the reason she had for leaving you, with it comes independence from you, and your support of her. She is not your woman anymore and needs to solve her own problems.