Strong Women, Strong Relationships - Myths and Truths of the Alpha Female in Love - Part 2
In part one of this article, we discussed the dilemma successful professional women can face when looking for a partner and a healthy relationship.
Based on the stereotypes that the alpha male feels threatened by the alpha female, and that a relationship between the two would only lead to conflict, the solution on offer seemed to be for the strong woman to choose a beta, less dominant partner.
However taking a closer look revealed that the real issue is often more to do with values and self esteem of both individuals.
So what's the solution? How can the alpha female, used to having financial and professional power, hope to find the ideal mate? 1.
Dump the stereotypes and unlearn what you have learned While opposites do attract it is a fact that after a while opposites also repel.
As a psychologist and professional relationship coach, I have come across every different scenario: alpha women suffering from depression; some of them married to alpha males, their careers on hold while they raise their children.
Other with beta partners, feeling overwhelmed with being the one in charge, fed up and wanting something more from their partners.
Equally I have worked with alpha men who end up in the stereotypical situation of having affairs with their secretaries - beta females.
And I have also worked with alpha males who have had affairs with alpha females.
It is simply not possible or desirable to apply stereotypes to an individual or a relationship 2.
Get to know who you really are The kind of people we attract says a lot about who we are, about the relationship we have with ourselves and it speaks volumes about our beliefs about relationships.
Increasing our self awareness helps us make better decisions about who we want in our lives.
3.
Be clear about what you really want This sounds easier than it is.
Sometimes what we say we want is not what we really want.
You can only know this by getting clear about your core values, what is truly important to your sense of fulfillment and happiness, and your purpose.
4.
Be clear about your expectations Right from the start of the relationship, be clear what you expect and the kind of 'contract' you agree to.
It is so easy to 'give in' during the early days of a relationship.
Once you do this, you can hardly blame your partner, later on down the line, when you later want to change that 'unspoken contract' can you? The future of the alpha female Are you really, as an 'alpha female', comfortable in your own skin? Or are you hiding behind the 'alpha' mask just like men traditionally have done? Will 'alpha' women take the same route as 'alpha' men have historically done? Will 'alpha' women go for the 'beta' type, only to get bored and end up having an affair with their secretaries? Are 'alpha' women really doing anything different or are they just about to repeat history -- the other way around -- and just producing another set of stereotypes that will need unlearning later on down the line by the next generation? There is evidence that men are changing.
More and more genuine 'alpha' men value and appreciate what the genuine 'alpha female' has to offer.
Women have perhaps embraced their changing role more quickly than men have but now we see men are changing too.
More 'alpha men' are becoming 'emotionally intelligent'.
Emotional Intelligence is, in fact, the buzzword in executive coaching - of which the highest percentage of executives being coached are (alpha) men.
Is it completely fair to say that the alpha male is the problem? Could it be at least as much about the 'alpha female', her personal beliefs and the stereotypes she has witnessed in the past? Could it be that 'alpha females' aren't really genuinely all that comfortable in their new 'alpha' skin? Could it be that women, having gone through a role transition, are still no clearer who they really are or what they really want before they enter into a relationship? When we look at the baby boomers, many are still encompassing the traditional female role as well as the new 'alpha female' role.
Could it be that 'alpha females' don't stick to what they want and expect right from the start of a new relationship? Perhaps they give in just a bit to fit into the stereotype, driven by a belief that 'alpha females' and 'alpha males' just don't work? My final question to the 'alpha woman': If you believed that the alpha male was a genuine, not a 'masked' version hiding his low self esteem or insecurities, who was also emotionally intelligent and who shared your core values - would it still be the beta male you found most appealing?
Based on the stereotypes that the alpha male feels threatened by the alpha female, and that a relationship between the two would only lead to conflict, the solution on offer seemed to be for the strong woman to choose a beta, less dominant partner.
However taking a closer look revealed that the real issue is often more to do with values and self esteem of both individuals.
So what's the solution? How can the alpha female, used to having financial and professional power, hope to find the ideal mate? 1.
Dump the stereotypes and unlearn what you have learned While opposites do attract it is a fact that after a while opposites also repel.
As a psychologist and professional relationship coach, I have come across every different scenario: alpha women suffering from depression; some of them married to alpha males, their careers on hold while they raise their children.
Other with beta partners, feeling overwhelmed with being the one in charge, fed up and wanting something more from their partners.
Equally I have worked with alpha men who end up in the stereotypical situation of having affairs with their secretaries - beta females.
And I have also worked with alpha males who have had affairs with alpha females.
It is simply not possible or desirable to apply stereotypes to an individual or a relationship 2.
Get to know who you really are The kind of people we attract says a lot about who we are, about the relationship we have with ourselves and it speaks volumes about our beliefs about relationships.
Increasing our self awareness helps us make better decisions about who we want in our lives.
3.
Be clear about what you really want This sounds easier than it is.
Sometimes what we say we want is not what we really want.
You can only know this by getting clear about your core values, what is truly important to your sense of fulfillment and happiness, and your purpose.
4.
Be clear about your expectations Right from the start of the relationship, be clear what you expect and the kind of 'contract' you agree to.
It is so easy to 'give in' during the early days of a relationship.
Once you do this, you can hardly blame your partner, later on down the line, when you later want to change that 'unspoken contract' can you? The future of the alpha female Are you really, as an 'alpha female', comfortable in your own skin? Or are you hiding behind the 'alpha' mask just like men traditionally have done? Will 'alpha' women take the same route as 'alpha' men have historically done? Will 'alpha' women go for the 'beta' type, only to get bored and end up having an affair with their secretaries? Are 'alpha' women really doing anything different or are they just about to repeat history -- the other way around -- and just producing another set of stereotypes that will need unlearning later on down the line by the next generation? There is evidence that men are changing.
More and more genuine 'alpha' men value and appreciate what the genuine 'alpha female' has to offer.
Women have perhaps embraced their changing role more quickly than men have but now we see men are changing too.
More 'alpha men' are becoming 'emotionally intelligent'.
Emotional Intelligence is, in fact, the buzzword in executive coaching - of which the highest percentage of executives being coached are (alpha) men.
Is it completely fair to say that the alpha male is the problem? Could it be at least as much about the 'alpha female', her personal beliefs and the stereotypes she has witnessed in the past? Could it be that 'alpha females' aren't really genuinely all that comfortable in their new 'alpha' skin? Could it be that women, having gone through a role transition, are still no clearer who they really are or what they really want before they enter into a relationship? When we look at the baby boomers, many are still encompassing the traditional female role as well as the new 'alpha female' role.
Could it be that 'alpha females' don't stick to what they want and expect right from the start of a new relationship? Perhaps they give in just a bit to fit into the stereotype, driven by a belief that 'alpha females' and 'alpha males' just don't work? My final question to the 'alpha woman': If you believed that the alpha male was a genuine, not a 'masked' version hiding his low self esteem or insecurities, who was also emotionally intelligent and who shared your core values - would it still be the beta male you found most appealing?
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