If you're a woman who is an emotional eater, you're probably not entirely aware of the fact that your food preferences are based on fulfilling your psychological needs.
You are really seeking to re-experience pleasurable memories that come with eating the food you crave.
It's true.
You like the taste of the food, but what's really driving your compulsion is not the way it tastes, but the way it makes you feel.
It's not really Mom's lasagna that you're addicted to, it's the need to feel her close to you.
If she was incapable of giving hugs and kisses and she shared her love by feeding you, that's what you crave.
If she was a very loving mom who was demonstrative in her affection, you're after that quick hit high that reminds you of those memories that you are lovable.
As an emotional eater, you're after the feeling, not the food.
Yet if you've experienced the fall out that comes with years of dieting, you've been led to believe that you have no control around food.
That's not true.
But since you're so used to being deprived, you've lost sight of your natural, innate ability to be a picky eater.
However you can learn to free yourself of the ties that bind you to emotional eating and become a very discriminating eater.
Perhaps you're making the common mistake that I did thinking that you're just a human garbage can, devouring anything in sight.
That's not true.
That's only a response to feeling deeply deprived, feeling fearful and guilty about wanting what you think you shouldn't be eating.
That comes from years of dieting that monkeys with your brain, throwing all your safety switches out of whack.
Despite the harm that dieting has done, you can still reverse it by making the choice to say goodbye to dieting.
It's never too late to learn how to make peace with food and stop fearing it.
When you learn to become a more mindful eater, you'll be more sensitive to appreciate the many wonderful nuances of the food you eat.
I created a technique called the Mindful and Gentle Eating Process.
I teach it to my clients and recommend that they use it in conjunction with a permission based approach to eating such as the process called Intuitive Eating.
Then to stack the odds in your favor, I encourage you to combine the technique with a commitment to taking a proactive stance towards dealing with the stress in your life.
By doing this, your response to food will begin to change.
You will no longer crave many of the foods you eat, because you'll notice that they are often bland and tasteless, mediocre at best.
The following story demonstrates my application of the Mindful and Gentle Eating Process that I created.
If you haven't already tried the process, give it a go and see how it works for you.
Here's how it worked for me.
There's a message in my apple sauce.
One day I woke up early in the morning, around 5:00 a.
m.
, actually feeling very hungry, or so I thought.
For the past several months, I've gotten into a comfortable pattern where I tend not to eat breakfast until about 11:30.
Back in the days when I was dieting, that was absolutely unheard of, I was always starving as soon as I woke up.
Now I can go for hours without the first glimmer of hunger.
But today seemed different.
I was hungry so I went downstairs to the kitchen and chose some Mott's Cinnamon Applesauce from the refrigerator and spooned a few tablespoons into a small dish.
Feeling a bit pressured to get my day started and finally finish the editing on my book; without even tasting the applesauce, I ate the first bite very quickly with a kind of desperation.
Then I noticed that I was really anxious and felt very pressured to finish the book.
Separating myself from that urgency for a moment, I wondered what would happen if I ate the next bite more slowly.
I noticed that my thoughts instantly changed their quality and began to slow down as I began to more consciously and slowly savor the taste of the applesauce from the spoon.
I noticed it was more tart than I would have liked.
As I sat there in a bit of daze, I asked myself, "Why do I want this now? It's not even that good.
It's been so long that I've had an early breakfast, why now and what does this applesauce remind me of? Then it hit me as I looked into the dish and saw the applesauce, it was almost as though I was being transported back in time to my Nana's kitchen long ago, sitting at the sparkling white kitchen table, looking at all the apples on the counter top and enjoying the wafting scent and the wonderful aromas of the cinnamon and apples gently simmering on the stove top for fresh pies and apple sauce.
I went a bit deeper into the memory and could see the patterned wall paper adorning the kitchen walls and feel the cool, hard flooring under my feet.
I could even visualize sitting in my favorite chair looking across the small kitchen out the window at the magnificent view of the Hudson River and the majestic New York City skyline.
I watched the cars rolling over the George Washington Bridge.
I could even see my Nana, all smiles in her frilly apron as she peeled and cut the apples with her deft fingers moving so quickly.
I even could make out the details of her wedding ring.
Caught in my reverie, I had one more spoonful of applesauce and realized that I no longer wanted it.
I took the rest and put it away for later.
I knew that the applesauce had already done its job.
It brought me back to a place where I remembered feeling such love and warmth and being happy.
I adored my Nana.
Ok.
Let me explain what I'd like you to take away from this story.
Different foods have different associations in your brain.
This is why you get cravings for certain foods.
You are actually craving the emotion that the food holds from the memories that are connected to the food.
If you are emotional eater, food has more meanings and connections for you than people who don't feel so attached to eating.
When you take an extra moment and linger over the food and ask yourself what it reminds you of, you are putting yourself in a position of being an observer.
You are no longer unconscious of what you are doing.
It is when we are unaware of what we are eating that we eat more because we don't experience the satisfaction that comes from the enjoyment of the food.
What do you think of slowing down and noticing what you are reminded of today when you eat your food.
Who knows, like me, it may change the flavor completely and you may need to just sit in silence for a few minutes and really let those memories seep into your soul and enjoy knowing that they will live in your heart forever.
Remember it's not the food you're seeking, it's the feeling.
Go for the feelings.
Notice what you are feeling.
Amazing things will come of it.
As a post script, I notice that I don't feel the same degree of tension that I did before to finish the editing on my book.
As a result, the irritation that I had over some other things going on in my life has also lifted significantly.
In fact, since I'm exploring how I feel, I realize that I'm still tired and I'm going back to sleep.
I attribute this newfound relaxation to my being able to reconnect to the memories of how my Nana approached life, one step at a time.
Boy that morning applesauce had a lot more than I expected.
How about you? What goodies can you find in your food today?