Thanksgiving is a time you're supposed to enjoy the company of others, eat a delicious meal without counting calories, and give thanks for all that you've been blessed with throughout the year. However, if you forget to use good manners, it very well might turn into an unpleasant event and leave others with bad memories.

For Everyone

Whether you are a guest or host, you should be gracious at all times.

Avoid discussing controversial topics during dinner and stick to polite subjects that won't cause indigestion. Don't use this opportunity to embarrass anyone or bring up old grievances.

For the Host

If you're hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, remember that the most important thing you can do is to make sure all of your guests feel like a welcome part of the event. You'll want to eliminate as much stress as possible by planning in advance and have backup plans for things that might go wrong.

You may want to host a formal dinner, and that is fine. Learn proper place setting, but if you get something wrong, don't stress over it. Most people probably won't notice as long as you have enough flatware and dishes for each course.

When I host Thanksgiving, my preference is a casual buffet. Not only do my guests seem to like it, cleanup is much easier because all of the food is on one table.

Here are some etiquette tips for the host:

• Set a time for everyone to arrive but don't plan to sit down to dinner right away. Give the stragglers a little extra time to arrive.

• Get a final head count the day before. It's generally best to have people RSVP, but you can't always count on everyone to do that.
• It's always a good idea to plan on one or two unexpected guests, so have more food than you think you'll need.
• Tell your guests how you expect them to dress (dressy, casual, or ultra casual).
• If you want your guests to bring a dish to share, make it very clear as early as possible. It's also a good idea to be specific. For example, ask one person to bring a salad, someone else to bring a dessert, and another to bring rolls. Otherwise, you might wind up with a bunch of pies and no side dishes.
• Have a designated place for coats and wraps. This can be a hall closet or a back bedroom.
• Have plenty of appetizers to prevent growling stomachs and hunger-induced flaring tempers.
• Accept offers of help when it's time to clean up.

For the Guests

Being invited to someone's home for Thanksgiving is quite an honor. Be grateful for all invitations, and if you get more than one, decide as quickly as possible so the hosts will know whether or not to plan for you to be there.

Here are some manners tips for guests:

• Send the RSVP as soon as possible so your host can plan. If you have dietary restrictions, this is the time to let the host know. If you want to bring a guest, ask the host in a polite manner and accept the answer graciously.
• Ask what you can bring. If you have an award for making the best pecan pie in your hometown, let your host know and offer to bring one.
• If the host hasn't clearly stated how to dress, ask. You don't want to show up in jeans when everyone else is wearing nice outfits. That would be disrespectful to someone who has gone to quite a bit of trouble.
• Arrive on time. Chances are, the traffic won't be too bad on Thanksgiving Day, but if you know of a parade or other event that might cause a delay, choose another route.
• In addition to having a dish to share, bring a host or hostess gift. This isn't something to open during the event. It's for the host to open and enjoy later.
• Keep the conversation on pleasant topics. If you have a bad habit of starting arguments, learn and practice some pleasant conversation starters before you go.
• Help with cleanup. Most hosts will welcome a few extra hands in the kitchen, so pitch in unless you are asked not to. Even then, you can clean up after yourself.
• After you get home, write a thank you note and mail it the next day. That's the least you can do to show your appreciation for the host's hard work and willingness to invite you for this special day.