During the holidays most families are spending quality time together, shopping, ice-skating and, of course, children harassing their parents about getting them the latest and greatest toy.
It is a special time of year that engenders feelings of hope, happiness and belonging.
We are reminded that family is an essential part of our lives and the blessings that come with being part of one.
So it is no wonder that during the holidays it can be quite challenging for families going through a divorce.
Joyce Brothers once said, "For some reason, we see divorce as a signal of failure, despite the fact that each of us has a right, and an obligation, to rectify any other mistake we make in life.
" The first step to coping is not to beat up on yourself and understand that you are not perfect.
Take the time to embrace the experience as an opportunity to learn from any mistakes.
Realizing that you are not alone and the importance of taking care of yourself are essential toward effectively coping with divorce during the holidays.
However, the best way to cope with divorce is to make sure it's the final solution.
There are obvious instances where divorce is the only solution, as is the case with physical and emotional abuse.
However, many times spouses fail to exhaust the many avenues available to them.
There are plenty of instances where spouses who were considering a divorce realized that they just needed to stop the finger pointing and have a conversation about the differences within the relationship.
When they actually began to listen to each other, they realized that they still had plenty in common.
In the same spirit, seeking professional counseling as a last resort has saved countless marriages.
Being married also has its health benefits.
According to a German study, people who divorced had a higher death rate than those who remained married.
Married people lived an average of nine years longer than unmarried people.
However, if all options but divorce have been exhausted, then there are ways of minimizing the emotional impact.
Once spouses decide that they are getting a divorce, the best thing to do is agree that they will work together in making a smooth transition for themselves and their children.
This is especially important during the holidays as feelings of depression and anxiety can be exacerbated if the process turns bitter.
Spouses can work together on getting their assets and liabilities in order.
They can do this by listing all assets and their "titling.
" This includes cash flow, savings and investments obtained during the marriage.
This is a good way to avoid any surprises.
Another way to avoid financial surprises is for spouses to participate in financial consultations.
Attending meetings together with their accountant or financial planner could give the chance for spouses to raise questions about assets and liabilities.
Spouses can also begin to discuss child support and visitation rights, as well as alimony.
Discussing these issues in a friendly, realistic manner often produces agreeable results.
The process can relieve the stress and anxiety associated with finances and debt responsibility.
However, spouses must realize there will be a certain amount of emotional impact that will not be relieved easily, and taking care of oneself should be a priority, especially when children are involved.
For some children, divorce can be traumatic, especially during the holidays.
Seeing other families who are happy and celebrating can leave children of divorced homes feeling isolated.
Bound by their own anxieties, parents oftentimes lose sight of the turmoil their children may be experiencing, since children have trouble expressing feelings of abandonment, self-blame and resentment.
They have to deal with the change in living environments and the stigma of coming from a broken home.
These are powerful feelings that should not be ignored.
So it is incumbent upon parents to help their children understand what's happening by allowing them to express their feelings and by reassuring them where insecurities manifest.
Parents also need to make sure they are taking care of themselves so that they can successfully transition their children during a divorce.
They need to take advantage of the holiday spirit and surround themselves with supportive family and friends.
They should try to have as much fun as possible by going to a funny movie, ice-skating or even having a snowball fight with their kids.
The key here is to leverage the holiday spirit to make the whole process as painless as possible for their children and themselves; and choosing the right method to help facilitate that end is one of the most important decisions in the process.
There are different avenues spouses can explore when they decide to get a divorce, and the vehicle chosen will greatly depend on the disposition of the spouses.
They may opt for a quick settlement, negotiation or mediation without advisement from legal counsel, as they may view a trial as contemptuous.
While these options are viable, employing legal counsel may be the prudent solution.
Often, the right legal counsel can do the secondary legwork to make sure everything's in order and maneuver you through a complex system.
The right legal counsel will not just see you as client number 9, but will be sensitive to the emotional issues that typically come with divorce, will care about your needs and protect your interests.
This could also give you space to begin the healing process and foster a positive outlook for life after divorce.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
" Deaf and blind, Helen Keller was able to see the importance of moving forward after a divorce, and the ability to realize the promise of happiness if we could just let go and dare for the future.