Nonpartisan Rant
Political campaigns have gotten as ugly as an all-star wrestling match in a landfill.
And you know whose fault it is?YOURS! Okay.
And mine.
OURS! The apathetic, fickle, easily misled electorate.
And electorate is a funny name to call us when half of us don't even vote.
Don't you see? They're just trying to get our attention! They're trying to get us to VOTE -- preferably for them.
But they don't have to convince me; I'd vote even if all the candidates were nice to each other.
I always vote.
I just never tell anyone how I vote.
I learned the hard way that if I do tell, those who DISAGREE berate and belittle me.
Those who AGREE do it so loudly that those who disagree hear.
Then they berate and belittle both of us.
It's as though they think they can change my mind by calling me a dimwitted cretin.
Of course, maybe that's not why they call me a dimwitted cretin.
But that does bring me to my next point because I do have one.
It isn't just the candidates who are misbehaving.
It's YOU! And maybe me.
Though I've never called anyone a cretin -- to their face.
What follows is my nonpartisan rant against us, the CONSTITUENTS, those who don't vote, those who vote foolishly, and those who vote like I do -- correctly.
Truthfully, I don't know who is worse; those who sling the mud or those who catch it and pass it on.
That would be YOU .
.
.
or me, depending on which mud is being slung -- because of course, we always believe slanderous messages about the other candidate.
We never believe them about our own.
Is it any wonder the candidates exaggerate, prevaricate, and inundate? It WORKS! That's why they feel compelled to do it -- except for my candidate, who would never behave like that.
Besides all that, you might just be a -- how can I say this diplomatically -- a HYPOCRITE! I might be too, but I prefer not to think of it that way.
You do realize that the same behavior you welcome in your candidate, you find loathsome in the other candidates.
Or at least I do.
What's pigheadedness in the other guy is resolve in mind.
It's arrogance in the other candidate; it's confidence in mine.
It's caving in to special interests if the other candidate does it; it's wisdom if it's my candidate doing the caving.
And I know you're just as bad! I can say that about you, because I now you've said worse about me -- or anyone else enlightened enough to agree with me.
Then we both complain that the campaigns are negative.
Admit it! If you're children spoke about their siblings the way you talk about the "other side," you'd send them to their rooms without supper, and rightly so.
Of course, you could just send them on the campaign trail! You and I must rise above the fray and respect each other's beliefs -- foolish as they may be.
We must demonstrate to our leaders that we want truth, integrity, and civil behavior in political campaigning as much as we say we want them -- or else we must stop saying we want them.
And we must always remember how truly wonderful it is to live in a land where everyone can think exactly as he or she wishes.
Of course, unless you think like I do, you're not only woefully misinformed, you're a few chads short of a full ballot! But still, isn't it wonderful?
And you know whose fault it is?YOURS! Okay.
And mine.
OURS! The apathetic, fickle, easily misled electorate.
And electorate is a funny name to call us when half of us don't even vote.
Don't you see? They're just trying to get our attention! They're trying to get us to VOTE -- preferably for them.
But they don't have to convince me; I'd vote even if all the candidates were nice to each other.
I always vote.
I just never tell anyone how I vote.
I learned the hard way that if I do tell, those who DISAGREE berate and belittle me.
Those who AGREE do it so loudly that those who disagree hear.
Then they berate and belittle both of us.
It's as though they think they can change my mind by calling me a dimwitted cretin.
Of course, maybe that's not why they call me a dimwitted cretin.
But that does bring me to my next point because I do have one.
It isn't just the candidates who are misbehaving.
It's YOU! And maybe me.
Though I've never called anyone a cretin -- to their face.
What follows is my nonpartisan rant against us, the CONSTITUENTS, those who don't vote, those who vote foolishly, and those who vote like I do -- correctly.
Truthfully, I don't know who is worse; those who sling the mud or those who catch it and pass it on.
That would be YOU .
.
.
or me, depending on which mud is being slung -- because of course, we always believe slanderous messages about the other candidate.
We never believe them about our own.
Is it any wonder the candidates exaggerate, prevaricate, and inundate? It WORKS! That's why they feel compelled to do it -- except for my candidate, who would never behave like that.
Besides all that, you might just be a -- how can I say this diplomatically -- a HYPOCRITE! I might be too, but I prefer not to think of it that way.
You do realize that the same behavior you welcome in your candidate, you find loathsome in the other candidates.
Or at least I do.
What's pigheadedness in the other guy is resolve in mind.
It's arrogance in the other candidate; it's confidence in mine.
It's caving in to special interests if the other candidate does it; it's wisdom if it's my candidate doing the caving.
And I know you're just as bad! I can say that about you, because I now you've said worse about me -- or anyone else enlightened enough to agree with me.
Then we both complain that the campaigns are negative.
Admit it! If you're children spoke about their siblings the way you talk about the "other side," you'd send them to their rooms without supper, and rightly so.
Of course, you could just send them on the campaign trail! You and I must rise above the fray and respect each other's beliefs -- foolish as they may be.
We must demonstrate to our leaders that we want truth, integrity, and civil behavior in political campaigning as much as we say we want them -- or else we must stop saying we want them.
And we must always remember how truly wonderful it is to live in a land where everyone can think exactly as he or she wishes.
Of course, unless you think like I do, you're not only woefully misinformed, you're a few chads short of a full ballot! But still, isn't it wonderful?
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