Question: How Do I Handle Negative Comments About My Natural Hair?

After months of thinking about it, I finally decided to go natural. I transitioned for a while, but couldn't deal with the two different textures, so I chopped it all off and started over. I love my hair! But, some friends and family members don't. They've made some hurtful comments and though I'm trying to be strong and stick to being natural, sometimes it hurts and makes me feel like my hair is ugly.

How can I handle these negative comments?

Answer:

This is one of those times you need your skin to be as thick as your hair. Understand first that it is your hair so anyone else's opinion on it really doesn't matter as much as how you feel about it. In some cases, if you're young and still depending on an adult to help you with care and products, it can be especially difficult if you're alone in pursuing a natural life, but it does become easier with time.

Before you encounter any negative attitudes toward your hair, think of how you'll handle various situations. Your reaction depends on your personality. Some women are going to lash out, while others simply brush it off and keep on moving. If someone expresses a negative opinion about your hair, it's usually a reflection on that person and their beliefs, not you. Knowing that may help you cope better in the event someone says something less than complimentary. Also, you can take some small comfort in knowing that many naturals have faced this same situation.

Educate anyone who feels the need to let you know they don't like natural hair. They may be under the impression of any one of several natural hair myths that still persist today. If they have any erroneous beliefs, counter those with actual information. Once that person gains some knowledge on how versatile and manageable natural hair can be, they may change their way of thinking.

Next, consider the source. Is this person spouting ugly comments worth the aggravation? If it's a complete stranger, probably not. Instead of getting into a confrontation with someone you may never see again, try and shrug it off and chalk their negativity up to a bad day or just the way that person chooses to live. It's much more difficult when a person you care about says something bad about your hair, however. It can be a parent, spouse, partner or best friend. In these cases, you'll have to be more thoughtful about your reaction. Talking it out can work wonders, but again, you may have to educate them. Some people, despite all your best intentions, won't "get it." There's nothing you can do at that point but continue to love your hair yourself. If necessary, you may need to cross "hair" off the list of discussion topics when you're with certain people, particularly those who can't seem to accept your hair as it is. You might need to repeat it several times, but let them know that hair isn't something you're willing to talk about with them.

Finally, just smile and keep it moving. It won't always be easy to do this, but whenever you can, just give those naysayers your prettiest grin and walk away. Feel free to duck into the nearest restroom and scream, but don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they got under your skin. If it helps, add a simple statement like "You're entitled to your opinion just like I'm entitled to wear my hair the way I please."