The Power to Move on After Divorce Or Separation - Part 3
Life after Healing.
It is important that we realise that the heart will dwell on whatever is fed to it, whether we want to dwell on it or not, so it is important to consciously allow ones heart to dwell on all things that are beautiful, pure and good.
While this may have come from a passage in the Bible it is true because you are what you think.
I have said in part 1 series that it is important not to jump straight into another relationship without re-evaluation of one's life.
The truth is that if you do jump right into another relationship, there is the general tendency that you will end up in another break up, so I cannot over emphasize re-evaluation.
Having my children has been the best thing that ever happened to me in fact I know without a doubt that if I didn't have my children I probably would have been trying to find another person to help my healing process, so what I did was analyze my life and how being strong will be more beneficial to me and my children.
There are a lot of people who would not have children to help them focus, so the issue is what do you do when in the night your heart is breaking from the separation and no one seems to understand why you feel the way you do.
As simple as this may sound my dear friend, it works - Ask the Holy Spirit to help.
While I had my children to help me focus I still needed the Holy Spirit to help me heal.
Sincerely when Jesus Christ said He would leave a comforter behind when He was leaving it was for such a time as this when we are hurting from any kind of loss be it death, divorce, separation etc.
There is always a way out you just need to find it.
The decision to leave a marriage is not an easy one, whether it was you who left for your sanity or your partner who left you, it is usually very heart breaking.
It is important to understand that if you have tried to make a relationship work and it doesn't you must not flog yourself, but must move on and try to heal yourself without trying to find out what is happening in your exes life.
Try to understand that it is no longer your business to be responsible for them, once you have forgiven them, you need to allow God to deal with them in the way that He deems fit.
There is the possibility that in their own way they are hurting as well and the best way to heal they think is to jump to the next available man or woman for comfort, thereby making you hurt even further, as the general idea is that you are hoping that your leaving them will awaken them to the reality of change.
There is no way of knowing how your ex will react to the change so it is very important that you concentrate on yourself and heal properly before trying to see whether there is anything happening in the life of your ex, the truth is that if you don't focus on yourself, you will not be in the right frame of mind to deal with other people appropriately as hurting will sometimes make it impossible for you to see or think clearly, therefore it is so important to allow the Holy Spirit help you in the healing process, selfishly cling to the Holy Spirit.
I can assure you that with time you will heal and when you come to that time your heart will then be ready to experience love again.
It took me more than 6 years to begin to believe that I could actually fall in love again as I made it a point of duty to focus solely on being a better mother and provider for my children, it was important to me that my kids have a very balanced life without a father, because the general idea is that children from broken homes are wayward or usually the hardest to deal with, as far as I know that is so wrong, anyway that is another topic for another time.
I believed that I could do all things through Christ who strengthened me, I went to school, tried my hand at business, went back to work when business failed, back into my music again all these happening while I was trying my best to be the best I could be for myself and my kids.
I kept finding my balance never allowing myself to dwell on my hurt and when night time came and loneliness was about to take over I cried to the Holy Spirit, because the devil will try to steal your sleep with all manner of thoughts, the passage that worked for me all the time was Proverb 3: 24.
Reading it from verses 13 - 26 will be helpful, but what I did then was to let that verse 24 go over and over again in my mind and like a dream sweet sleep will come.
Once you begin to allow the Holy Spirit to help, you will be surprised at how easily things will begin to fall into place for you.
I am ready to love again, I will not begrudge myself the love of a good man however I will be much more careful and will prayerfully take this step as we do not want to end up where we were coming from.
While it will not be easy to love the next person without judging them by what happened in the past, it is important to treat everyone as an individual but we have to be very cautious not to fall into the same trap.
If you can live alone my advice will be to do just that, if you cannot then it is time to put the Holy Spirit into the situation again.
I am confident that once you decide to take hold of your life and be in control rather than allow the situation to control you, dear friend you will definitely be a better person for it.
I thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you again.
Remain favoured.
It is important that we realise that the heart will dwell on whatever is fed to it, whether we want to dwell on it or not, so it is important to consciously allow ones heart to dwell on all things that are beautiful, pure and good.
While this may have come from a passage in the Bible it is true because you are what you think.
I have said in part 1 series that it is important not to jump straight into another relationship without re-evaluation of one's life.
The truth is that if you do jump right into another relationship, there is the general tendency that you will end up in another break up, so I cannot over emphasize re-evaluation.
Having my children has been the best thing that ever happened to me in fact I know without a doubt that if I didn't have my children I probably would have been trying to find another person to help my healing process, so what I did was analyze my life and how being strong will be more beneficial to me and my children.
There are a lot of people who would not have children to help them focus, so the issue is what do you do when in the night your heart is breaking from the separation and no one seems to understand why you feel the way you do.
As simple as this may sound my dear friend, it works - Ask the Holy Spirit to help.
While I had my children to help me focus I still needed the Holy Spirit to help me heal.
Sincerely when Jesus Christ said He would leave a comforter behind when He was leaving it was for such a time as this when we are hurting from any kind of loss be it death, divorce, separation etc.
There is always a way out you just need to find it.
The decision to leave a marriage is not an easy one, whether it was you who left for your sanity or your partner who left you, it is usually very heart breaking.
It is important to understand that if you have tried to make a relationship work and it doesn't you must not flog yourself, but must move on and try to heal yourself without trying to find out what is happening in your exes life.
Try to understand that it is no longer your business to be responsible for them, once you have forgiven them, you need to allow God to deal with them in the way that He deems fit.
There is the possibility that in their own way they are hurting as well and the best way to heal they think is to jump to the next available man or woman for comfort, thereby making you hurt even further, as the general idea is that you are hoping that your leaving them will awaken them to the reality of change.
There is no way of knowing how your ex will react to the change so it is very important that you concentrate on yourself and heal properly before trying to see whether there is anything happening in the life of your ex, the truth is that if you don't focus on yourself, you will not be in the right frame of mind to deal with other people appropriately as hurting will sometimes make it impossible for you to see or think clearly, therefore it is so important to allow the Holy Spirit help you in the healing process, selfishly cling to the Holy Spirit.
I can assure you that with time you will heal and when you come to that time your heart will then be ready to experience love again.
It took me more than 6 years to begin to believe that I could actually fall in love again as I made it a point of duty to focus solely on being a better mother and provider for my children, it was important to me that my kids have a very balanced life without a father, because the general idea is that children from broken homes are wayward or usually the hardest to deal with, as far as I know that is so wrong, anyway that is another topic for another time.
I believed that I could do all things through Christ who strengthened me, I went to school, tried my hand at business, went back to work when business failed, back into my music again all these happening while I was trying my best to be the best I could be for myself and my kids.
I kept finding my balance never allowing myself to dwell on my hurt and when night time came and loneliness was about to take over I cried to the Holy Spirit, because the devil will try to steal your sleep with all manner of thoughts, the passage that worked for me all the time was Proverb 3: 24.
Reading it from verses 13 - 26 will be helpful, but what I did then was to let that verse 24 go over and over again in my mind and like a dream sweet sleep will come.
Once you begin to allow the Holy Spirit to help, you will be surprised at how easily things will begin to fall into place for you.
I am ready to love again, I will not begrudge myself the love of a good man however I will be much more careful and will prayerfully take this step as we do not want to end up where we were coming from.
While it will not be easy to love the next person without judging them by what happened in the past, it is important to treat everyone as an individual but we have to be very cautious not to fall into the same trap.
If you can live alone my advice will be to do just that, if you cannot then it is time to put the Holy Spirit into the situation again.
I am confident that once you decide to take hold of your life and be in control rather than allow the situation to control you, dear friend you will definitely be a better person for it.
I thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you again.
Remain favoured.
Source...