"God, you've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.
" - Psalm 56:8 (The Message) After my husband's deployment, I could not sleep.
I laid on the couch every night, tossing and turning, because I couldn't even bring myself to go to bed.
I literally felt like my heart was hurting.
I had lost my husband, best friend, and children's father all at once.
It was a heartache I had never experienced and I truly did not know how to deal with it.
In the beginning I felt so alone.
My best friend was gone.
The person that I could talk to about anything and everything was no longer available.
Thoughts and emotions were bottled up inside me because I didn't want to share them with anyone else.
Resentment began to grow.
Bitterness gnawed at my insides.
Why me? I felt desperately alone.
And that made me angry.
Until I remembered.
God is always by my side.
Even in the darkest nights when I felt abandoned, He was still there, catching the tears as they fell from my cheeks.
He held me close to His bosom when I needed a hug.
He was always there.
I just didn't allow myself to acknowledge Him.
Psalm 55:22 says, "Pile your troubles on GOD's shoulders--he'll carry your load, he'll help you out.
He'll never let good people topple into ruin.
" (The Message) Now when I begin to feel lonely, I turn to my Daddy, and rest in confidence knowing that He will never leave me alone.