Love and Intimacy are most easily accomplished in only two situations: oWhen you believe you are the fulfillment of another's dreams and the object of their fantasies.
If you truly believe you are the one and only object of another's desires, then you can easily smile at their apparent attractions and flirtations with others.
You can feel smug, above it all.
Detached from emotional neediness, relaxed, confident, and secure that they love you and only you.
oWhen you truly want or desire nothing from another person except their well being and happiness.
If you truly need nothing from another person because your needs are already being fulfilled from another source, then you can easily listen with an open heart and easy mind to anything, good or bad, that the other person tells you.
However, it is much more difficult to be intimate when you crave another's touch and require their approval in any way.
When their words or actions can disappoint, hurt or devastate you, then you cannot fully and freely love that person, even if you really want to.
Your emotional responses and personal needs will affect what the other person's attitudes, emotions and behaviors.
True intimacy requires the safety of no-holds barred sharing of our full self with another.
The slightest hint of judgment, disapproval, disappointment, or hurt, tugs at our conscience and leads to our subtle censoring of the truth.
That is why, we can sometimes feel incredibly intimate in the moment of a passionate illicit affair or with a total stranger with whom we believe we will have no further connection.
We can perhaps fully express our private secrets, personal insecurities, or unique peculiarities, because we do not fear any future repercussions from someone we will never see again.
But true and lasting intimacy takes time to develop.
It is not an instantaneous phenomenon.
We must gradually seduce each other into revealing a little more texture of our naked truth.
As we reveal a bit of our self and the other person is able to accept us, forgive us, or understand us, we are able to gradually reveal a little bit more.
Overexposure too soon can destroy the game.
And intimacy is one of the major games of life.
oWe can feel love for another without being intimate.
oWe can feel sexual desire for another without being intimate.
oWe can share our feelings without being intimate.
oWe can know another well without being intimate.
Intimacy can be scary.
When we are truly intimate, we cannot hide.
There is no place to escape to.
Every moment counts.
Every body movement, facial expression, vocal tone, and emotional response means something.
Every thought and every action matters.
Every word clarifies, explores and explains.
Intimacy is an art form, a gourmet expression of relationship.
Only a true artist knows intimacy.
We delve into the black hole of our consciousness, seeking the white light of revelation.
We can create the illusion of intimacy by pretending to be the fulfillment of another's dreams and secret longings.
Keeping our own needs and desires in the background, we can monitor our words, gestures, and actions to create the illusion that we can satisfy the other's desires.
We can weave a web of enticement into the very fabric of our relationship.
The great seducers of antiquity, such as Cassanova, Cleopatra, concubines and Geisha girls, have perfected the art of seduction by creating powerful illusions that captured the hearts of their victims.
The modern version of this seduction happens at exotic dance clubs and internet pornography sites.
Intimacy is not for the faint of heart.
It requires truthfully looking into our own soul, our own deep, dark, hidden attributes as well as our unique human magnificence - and then sharing our full self, dark and light, with another soul.
Only a sensitive artistic being is willing to take the sometimes treacherous journey into their own humanity to create lasting love and intimacy with another being.
And it often requires the assistance of someone who has gone there before, someone who has studied the process and can teach you the ropes - a qualified, holistically knowledgeable therapist or healer.