"Oh, you're an image consultant?!" As soon as it comes out, the woman I'm talking to often starts to apologize for the way she looks.
She needs to lose 20 pounds.
She knows she's wearing the wrong color.
This new hairstyle just isn't working.
She's only wearing this old outfit because..
...
Why are we so willing to be harshly critical of ourselves? Where have we gotten all these negative ideas about our appearance? First of all, consider that we're probably comparing ourselves to some supermodel in a magazine--who was made-up perfectly, photographed until the photographer got the perfect shot, and then had her photograph airbrushed to perfection.
Who can compete with these highly orchestrated images captured in the perfect moment?! The accompanying magazine article then goes on to suggest that something's wrong with the way we look and tell us how we should go about fixing it.
The trouble is so many of us have bought into it.
We're not attractive enough, not thin enough, not well-proportioned enough, and we need to transform ourselves into someone better, someone gorgeous, someone without all those "flaws" that supposedly make us inadequate.
We should be able to wear itsy-bitsy skirts to show off our perfect legs, and 4" high heels without tottering in them, and never have bad hair days or zits.
All those impossible, unachievable goals just to feel okay about ourselves?! But, what if we stopped worrying about everything that's wrong and only focused on and celebrated what's right? What if we forgot about the flaws and emphasized the strengths? What we perceive to be true becomes the truth to us.
This relates not only to appearance but also to personality.
As with our qualities of appearance, we have a tendency to be critical of our personality traits.
We may see ourselves as impatient and not give ourselves credit for being focused and efficient.
Instead of faulting ourselves with being disorganized, perhaps we could zero in on our spontaneity and creativity.
We need to be kinder to ourselves by revising our perceptions! This may sound simplistic, but consider the truth of it.
My sister, at 6' tall, hates being called "queenly" by her husband.
Being more petite was so important in her social world as a teenager that she's never quite gotten over it.
What her husband sees as positive, she considers negative, and it has strongly affected her self-image.
If only she could see herself as magnificent instead and honor that quality! I imagine she would be more at peace with herself and could happily bask in his admiration! The more we focus on the positive, the more the negative fades into the background.
Why? Because it's impossible to focus on two things at once.
Don't like your nose, or hair, or body type? Choose instead to focus on your eyes, your smile, your beautiful skin or hands, your caring nature, your terrific back-hand in tennis, or whatever else you do find pleasing about yourself.
And, put your attention there! True self-acceptance is a beautiful thing, and it's reflected in your physical presence.
You radiate what you're feeling about yourself.
And, that's how you'll be perceived by others.
I'm not suggesting you give up on your appearance.
I'm urging you to give up obsessing over it or wishing you're something you're not.
Give yourself the gift of peace about who you are.
Copyright 2003 Leah R.
Oman