I was alone in my room, a chalk white color room with the main back wall papered with great big gold flower wallpaper.
I had a triple wardrobe, a bed, a dressing table, a chest of drawers, and a changing screen in the room.
There was also a door to my sweet bathroom, which had a shower toilet and a sink in it.
Against one of the white walls was a gold flower decal sticker, going up one side of the wall.
I had a cream carpet and a shaggy cream rug to one side of my bed.
There was a pair of sofas.
I was sitting on one of my sofas.
I was thinking about all the things that I went through.
I was thinking about Gloria, my first love, who had been forced to terribly break my heart.
Since that time, I believed that I would never find someone that my heart and my soul would really want.
My friends and my family members, especially my parents, were always trying to convince me to move on in life.
They used to tell me that I had a misconception.
Sometimes they even used to tell me that life was not over yet.
I could possibly find someone that I may love more than Gloria.
Gloria, my first love, had left me since I was fifteen.
Now, I turned seventeen.
Still, I never moved on with my life.
I was in pain.
Crying everyday just became my normal habit.
But I still had the hope that I would have her back in my life one day.
We would fall in love together again, but I was still in love with her.
That may be why I was still in pain because of her.
Gloria was fifteen-years-old by the time that she left.
I was her first love.
She was my first also.
We fell in love since we were thirteen.
I remember that we used to pretend that we were sick to not go to school so that when our parents went to work, we could spend time together.
There was a movie theater at the village that we used to live.
We used to ask our parents for money so that we could pay one dollar to get in at the movie theater.
Sometimes she paid for me.
Sometimes I paid for her.
The movie theater was a venue, usually a building, for viewing movies (films), for entertainment.
It was a commercial operation catering to the general public who attended by purchasing a ticket for five dollars, but someone who was fewer than fifteen was required to pay one dollar.
The movie was projected with a movie projector onto a large projection screen at the front of the auditorium.
It was equipped for digital cinema projection, removing the need to create and transport a physical film print.
Since after Gloria had left me, I always went to the movie with Sandra, Gloria's friend at the time that Gloria was living at the village.
There were times that Junior, my best male friend, accompanied us.
Junior was sixteen.
He was a sophomore and a basketball player in high school.
He was very tall and broad-shouldered, with a mop of dark hair and heavy, solemn brows that were offset by a boyish grin.
A pair of eyes of the color of sea glass gleamed behind square-framed glasses that kept slipping down his long nose.
As I was in the room, I kept thinking about how one day that Gloria and I got caught under her parents' bed.
We told our parents that we were sick so that we could spend time together.
I knew.
I knew for better sure that she did a lot of sacrifices in her life because of me when we were together.
I run away.
I passed by the window that we left open just in case if her parents were coming so that I could leave.
She knew that her parents were very austere.
That day, her parents beat her up because of me.
She called me on the phone and told me that.
When I went to see her by the theater, when I walked to her, she was shivering.
Her left eye was black and blue, and she had bruises all over her arms and sides.
Her shirt was partially ripped off, and her knees were scrapped.
Blood was soaking through her pants.
She looked like she was falling down the hill through the trees since she had scrapes on her face.
Her nose had a steady trickle of blood running in to her open mouth.
She grunted softly as she lifted her hand up.
Tears streamed form her eyes, and she looked like she would rather be dead.
I would have too.
When I asked her what was wrong, "My father beat me up," I remember she responded to me as she was crying.
Her parents told my parents to tell me to leave their daughter alone.
Our relation caused a conflict between her family and my family.
She was forced to break up with me, but she did not want to.
After she got beat too much, she resigned to.
Her parents were moving to another state so that their daughter could be secured.
They considered me as a potential negative agent to their daughter even though I wasn't.
I was simply in love with her.
We ended up being unable to get in contact with each other.
Since that time, that left me in tears.
I thought that left her in tears too.
I was in tears.
I was in pain in my room.
I was thinking about her.
I kept thinking about what she went through in her life because of me.
I felt sad as a result.
I was still in love with her.
I kept thinking, was she dying? Was she okay? Did she move on with her life? But I was still in love with her even if she did.
I wasn't sure, but I still believed that she was okay and that she was thinking about me too.
I felt like my heart had been ripped out.
Suddenly, there was an aura of grey around me.
It was a mist that wouldn't raise a state of depression that I couldn't help through.
I felt a terrible weight on my shoulders.
It was as if a giant boulder was laid on me, and I couldn't straighten up or catch my breath entirely.
A single tear rolled down my cheek.
I should have been crying, but I was too numb to even think about crying.
There was a giant hole in my heart, and I knew nothing would ever be the same.
I looked like death, and I didn't care.
My eyes were puffy from crying because I couldn't stop crying for the last three days.
I was dehydrated and sore.
Sobs raked my body, and no one should be able to cry that hard.
I hadn't even cried that hard when one of my dad's sisters had died.
We were not together, but as I was alone in the room, I had said, "I love you.
I love you Gloria.
" It did not seem to be fair.
It wasn't right.
But I said it anyway to comfort myself from the pain.
After a couple of minutes, someone knocked on my door.
"You can come in," I said.
As I turned around, the girl was stunningly gorgeous, like a painting of a goddess brought to life.
She smiled sweetly at me, and her eyes sparkling like stars flaunted on the night sky.
She came to me with her honey-sweet voice.
I turned leisurely, and there she was.
She was one of the most beautiful girls I'd ever seen.
She wore a simple white dress with a gold braided belt.
Her hair was long, wavy, and golden brown, falling brilliantly over her chest.
The girl's face was milky white, with large dazzling chocolate brown eyes and kissable cherry lips.
The girl was Sandra.
"Why are you crying?" Sandra asked.
"None," I responded.
"I see that your eyes turned red," she said.
"I see drops of tears slowly ran down your face.
" "Okay," I responded.
"Tell me what happen," she said.
"Nothing that bad," I replied.
"I would tell you at the movie theater tonight.
" "I could not see you crying," she responded.
"I do not have that patience.
So I have to leave.
I see you later at the movie theater.
" "Okay," I said.
She got out.
I closed the door because I did not want my parents to see me in a situation.
I laid down on my bed.
The comforter on the bed was so fluffy and soft, the pillows on the bed were overwhelming, and the softness against my skin was unbelievable.
As a result, I fell asleep.
After a couple of hours, my phone rang; as a result, I wake up.
It was a call from Junior.
He told me that he would be at the theater in an hour.
"Okay," I responded to him.
"I would be there too.
" I took a show, dressing after a while.
I walked to the theater room.
When I arrived, the room was already full with people.
I could hardly find a place to sit.
After a while, the movie was playing.
It was a film titled Think like a Man.
It was one of the movies of the year.
When the movie was over, everyone left the room.
As I was outside, Sandra came to me.
She said, "You start feeling better now.
Just tell me what was wrong when you were in you room.
I saw drop of tears slowly ran down your face.
" "I was thinking about Gloria," I said.
"I am still in love with her.
" "You still in love with her!" she responded.
"It is been a long time.
If I were you, I would move on with my life.
" "Why?" I asked.
"Is there anything I should know?" "It is okay," she said.
"Let just let it go.
" "Okay," I responded.
Junior was coming.
He said to us, "Hey guys.
How are you doing?" "I am doing okay," I responded.
"But I just have some little personal issues.
" "Great," said Sandra.
At that time, I used to tell Junior about how I was still in love with Gloria.
He used to be one of my friends who tried to persuade me to move on with my life.
But I never listen to him.
"The girl may move on with her life," he used to say to me.
I never took what he used to say in consideration because I had the hope that I would meet Gloria and have her one day in my life again.
I used to talk to a man named Jeff.
He was a college student and was twenty-two-years-old by the time that Gloria left me.
I went to talk to him and explained him the situation.
I explained to him how Gloria and I diverged.
Now, I was still in pain because of her, and I did not know where she was.
I desperately wanted to see her, listen to her, and have her back in my life.
But I do not know what to do.
"If you really love her," he said.
"You have to try to find out where she was, searching for her.
" After I talked to Jeff, I started searching for Gloria.
Every day, I did not go to school.
I just woke up, taking a shower and then searching for Gloria.
I had been almost everywhere looking for her, asking other people about how she was doing or about if they saw her, but I found no good answer.
They told me that they never, never, heard from her.
One day, I lost in a desert, an enormous sandy beach without the ocean and picture it as blazing hot at all times, for thirty days while I was searching for Gloria.
I barely ate and drank in the dessert.
There were times that I ate the dust in the desert when I could not find something to eat.
During the thirtieth day, I found a way out.
When I got out at the dessert, I was skinny.
Everyone thought that I would die.
When I found something to eat, I had trouble eating it because I had been suffering too much in the desert.
After a couple of months, I started feeling better.
I became normal physically as I had been before.
I asked Junior how was Gloria.
He said to me, "I don't know what to say.
I am confused.
I don't know what to say.
You are always talking about Gloria.
" However, he wanted me to move on with my life.
But I always told Junior that no one else was in my mind than Gloria.
Junior used to go out with me, going to many places with me to help me find a girl that I may be interested in, but I found no one.
However, Gloria was still in my mind.
When I could not found Gloria, it felt as if something had reached in, tore my heart from my chest, and threw it on the ground and stepped on it then put it back.
The pain was so deep, so agonizing, or so intense.
My heart was mangled beyond recognition.
My mind was numb, racing in circles, and was unable to make sense of what was happening and what was this real.
I was not sure I could use my heart again.
I was not sure it could heal.
I was not sure I could live.
I was awake, living but slowly, emotionally, and mentally dying.
One day, Junior told me that he found a girl for me.
He felt my pain.
He promised me that I would love that girl with all my heart.
I had to move on with my life.
He did not want to do that for me, but because he saw that I had been suffering too much, he did it for me.
He knew that I would love her, and she would love me too.
"She does love you," said Junior.
"She knows you.
" Junior went on to tell me that he would make me get in contact with her by next week.
He took advantage of this occasion to invite me at a party at the beach.
"When is the party?" I said.
"Next week," responded Junior.
"Okay," I said.
"By the way," junior said, "I do not guarantee you that you will have that girl or that you will be able to see her.
But you will be able to get in contact with her.
" "Is this girl Gloria?" I asked.
"You always talk about Gloria.
That's why you never want to move on with your life," said Junior.
"Stop talking about Gloria.
I will make you talk to the girl, and you will see.
When it came to Gloria, I haven't seen her face-for-face for years.
" I went home.
I laid down on my bed.
When I woke up, I told my parents that Junior told me that she found a girl for me.
He promised me that I would love her.
"I would be happy if you move on with your life," said my father.
"You think about Gloria too much.
Move on.
" "That would be absolutely great," responded my mother.
"I don't know," I said to my mother.
On a Friday morning, Junior called me and told me that the party was tomorrow.
"Are you still coming?" he said.
"Yes," I responded.
"Come to pick me up.
" "Okay," said Junior.
On the next day, Junior came to pick me up.
He came with a bicycle.
He was with Sandra.
Sandra had a bike with her too.
"How are you guys?" I said.
"I am doing okay," Junior and Sandra responded.
I sat in front of Junior's bike.
He drove it.
Sandra drove hers.
When we arrived at the beach, I smelled the slightly typical moldy seaweed that was caressing the soft sand.
The sand was cold and fine.
Half crushed seashells of different sizes were rocking against some mini bays formed in the sand.
The sun was dizzy, and the air crisp could tell the day was going to be hot.
Just as if you were in the shade, sun got to warm your side of the beach up.
The sun was shining on the glistening sand, as a solitary seagull walked by, dashing two and fro as the sea ebbed and flowed, and in the distance, the waves looked like white horses, galloping in unison and crowning all this was the most beautiful sunset.
Seagulls and other smaller birds were fighting for the same target.
Some dead fish and a fisher had left from the day before.
The sea was calm, and in some few hours, the beach would be visited by the locals living up the hill.
Neighbors had the view over the bay.
The local cat wandered about aimlessly near the leafy part at the top of the beach.
It was still night time for him.
"How are you doing?" Junior asked me.
I said, "I am doing well.
But you know that I still cannot get in touch with Gloria.
" Junior said, "That is great, but why don't you try to forget Gloria?" "Okay," I said.
"You know that Gloria faced a lot of pain in her life because of me.
I will never forget her.
I desperately want to get in contact with her.
" "Anyway, I would make you get in contact with the girl that I told you about," Junior said.
"Okay," I said.
"But you know that Gloria is still in my mind.
I will never forget her even for one day in my life because I knew what she went through in her life because of me, and I still love her.
" "Sandra calls the girl for me please," said junior.
Sandra made a phone call.
She handed the phone to Junior.
Junior walked around the beach for a while.
When he came back to me, "I am going to make you talk to someone," I heard Junior said on the phone.
Junior handed me the phone.
"Hey," I said on the phone.
"Hey," responded the girl.
"How are you doing?" Her voice was so beautiful.
I could feel that I got pierced by the song of her voice like the song of Gloria's voice.
As a result, "Gloria," I said on the phone.
"What?" she responded.
"Are you Gloria?" I asked.
"Nope," she responded.
"My name is Catty.
" "Okay," I said.
"Who is that Gloria?" she asked.
I told her that Gloria was my first love.
Gloria faced a lot of pain in her life because of me.
I still loved her with all my heart.
I had been looking for her everywhere for a long period of time since she left the village that I lived now.
Her parents made her leave the village because of me.
They beat her up because of me.
I could not forget her because of all those things in addition to the love that I had for her.
My parents used to get mad at me also when her parents reported me to them.
I still loved her with all my heart.
Sandra and Junior smiled suspiciously as they looked at me as I talked on the phone.
Catty took a deep breath on the phone.
"Why you took that deep breath?" I said.
"The story that you explained to me is painful," she said.
"I could feel your pain.
But there is nothing that I could do to help you out with that because I do not know the girl.
" "Okay," I said.
"Didn't Junior tell you that I love you?" she asked me.
"Yea," I said.
"He even told me that I would love you too.
" "But nothing can be done between us because you still in love with this girl, Gloria," she said.
"I don't know," I said.
"I do not know you that much.
" "I know," she said.
"But you may not know me if you see me.
I used to see you down the street.
" "Okay," I said.
"How old is Gloria?" she asked me.
"She was fifteen by the time that she left me," I said.
"Now, she may be between nigh teen or twenty.
" "Okay," she said.
"Anyways, for some reasons, I love you," she said.
"I don't know what to say," I said.
"But I really love the song of your voice.
It remains me of the song of the voice of Gloria.
" "Why don't you try to move on with your life?" she said.
"Gloria may move on with her life.
" "I would die if she did," I said.
She took deep breath.
"Why you keep taking deep breath like that?" I asked her.
"The way you talk about Gloria just makes me realize that there is no hope for me," she said.
"But I love you.
" "We can talk on the phone anyway," I said.
"I really like the song of your voice.
I already told you why? Listening to your voice would satisfy me.
" "You can have my number," she said.
"Just take it from Junior's phone.
" "Okay," I said.
"My number is 561-518-8762," I said to her.
"Okay," she said.
"I will save it.
" "Bye," I said.
She said, "Bye.
" I hanged off the phone and still thought about where I could find Gloria.
I looked at the sea of the beach, and I saw Sandra and Junior in the middle of a lot of people.
After a while, I jumped in the water.
It was getting dark.
We left the beach.
The next day had come.
I received a phone call.
The call was from Catty.
"How are you doing?" she asked.
I responded, "Great.
" "Okay," I said.
"You know that I love you," she said.
"Okay," I said.
"How can I see you please because you remain me of someone?" "That's why you merely want to see me?" she said.
"No," I said.
"I just definitely want to see you.
" "We cannot see right now because I have some circumstances upon me right now, "she said.
"But we will see.
I have to take care of some stuff.
" "Okay," I said.
"But you never heard about Gloria?" she said.
"You try to move on right now.
Or you still love her.
" "Not really, I am not trying to move on," I said.
"I cannot forget her because of what she went through in her life because of me.
" The relationship between me and Catty did not fall apart.
We talked on the phone almost every day.
She continued to try to convince me to move on with my life because she thought that Gloria may move on with her life.
"She may be engaged or married," she said.
"She may have kids.
You never know.
" "You never know," I said.
"She may be in desperate need of me like I am in need of her.
" "Anyway, for some reasons, I love you," she said.
"We are going to see not far away in time.
I have some circumstances upon me.
That's why we cannot see now.
" One day, as I was talking to her, "I hope so," I responded.
During that day, I called Junior and told him that I had been talking to Catty, and I told her that she said that she loved me.
"I told you that already," said Junior.
"But I still love Gloria," I said.
"I am still going to look for her.
" "You are always talking about Gloria," he responded.
"One of my friends is going to marry on Monday morning at Orlando.
Will you like to go with me?" "Okay," I responded.
"Be prepared since 8 AM," he said.
"The marriage is at 11AM.
" "Okay," I said.
"May be when you see that people get married, that may stimulate you or convince you to move on with your life.
I had been hurt also.
But when my friends got married, I move on with my life too because I felt that I was the only one among them who did not move on my life.
That may persuade you to move on with your life like I did.
" "Okay," I said.
"But nothing can make me forget Gloria because I know what she went through in her life because of me, and I definitely want to get in contact with her.
" Junior laughed out loudly on the phone.
"Good luck," he said.
"Okay," I responded.
"Bye.
" Still, I did not give up in searching for Gloria.
I went almost everywhere, every place, looking for her, but I could not find her.
No one could tell me where she was.
I was still in love with her even though I did not have the chance to see her.
Her memories graved in my thoughts, in my mind.
She still preoccupied my dreams and my mind.
I traveled from cities to cities.
I could not find her.
On a Monday morning, Junior came to pick me up for the marriage.
I was totally ready.
I dressed so professional as Junior.
He drove the car to Orlando.
I fell asleep while he was driving.
I was not in my mood.