We are all faced with difficult situations: a difficult boss or co-worker, too many things to do and not enough time, feeling trapped by career choices or a personal life situation.
How does one navigate through these difficult situations? The answer is to discover what options you have in managing that difficult situation.
In my experience, when we feel that we are making choices in our lives, we feel much more hopeful because we are able to assert our personal power.
The resilient ones among us will be able to bounce back from a difficult situation by exploring what options in fact exist.
In fact, there are 5 ways to manage a difficult situation and each one represents a choice.
Here they are: 1.
Remain a Victim to Your Situation 2.
Change Your Situation 3.
Change Your Perspective of the Situation 4.
Leave Your Situation 5.
Accept Your Situation Let's examine how these 5 options play out.
1.
Remain a Victim Yes, my friends, being a victim is a choice.
Sure, there are times when we all feel that our situation is hopeless and we wish it would go away.
Victims are people who do not do anything about their tough lot.
They sit in their hopeless situation and let other people do for them.
Or they do nothing.
And this represents a choice.
The people with whom I work do not want to be victims.
And the good news is that they can choose from the next 4 options to improve their situation.
2.
Change Your Situation Start asking yourself how you can change your difficult situation.
On first blush, this might seem impossible.
Whether you are a musician who thinks that his only career option is to audition for a job with a large orchestra, a business executive with too much on her plate and not enough people, resources or time to do everything, or a lawyer working in a large law firm who feels stuck, do you really have options? YES! Here a few suggestions: Focus on top priority issues Many people I work with simply have too much to do, either because they take on too many assignments, say yes to too many people or projects or do not have enough time, people or resources to finish everything that is on their plate.
If this is speaking to you, you can change your situation by reordering your priorities.
That means saying no to things that do not dovetail with your goals or your department's mission.
And once you choose your priorities, own them and communicate effectively with your bosses, professors and your friends.
Learn how to set healthy boundaries and say no without apology! Consider different career options People often feel that once they have committed to a certain career path, that's it.
Really? Consider your other options.
Research other career paths.
Conduct some informational interviews to learn what other people are doing.
Take on a volunteer project to explore some new angle that might give you an insight into a new career path.
Expand your world If you feel that your world is too small, it's time to meet new people.
Start by expanding your network.
Join an organization or take a class where you can find like-minded folks.
The possibilities are endless! If you feel in a rut at work, be proactive about the type of assignments you are getting.
Tell your boss you are eager to explore new areas.
Volunteer for new assignments.
Network within your organization so that other people can get to know you better.
Aim for life balance and practice mindfulness Often, feeling trapped means that you are working too hard and not enjoying other things that are important to you.
Take some time to reflect on your life priorities and consider activities that would enrich your life.
Pick ONE new activity and introduce it slowly: commit to 20 minutes at the gym twice a week instead of trying to go everyday for an hour! And when you are engaged in a task or an activity, practice mindfulness.
That means focusing all of your attention on that activity, whether it is going to a play or spending time with close friends or taking a class in something that you are passionate about.
Worrying about all the other things on your plate simply negates the experience of engaging in that activity so honor your choice when you decide to spend time on something new! Commit to stress-relief activities Yet another option for changing a difficult situation is to spend a little time on activities that can ease stress, such as yoga, meditation and exercise.
A quick solution is to take 3 deep breaths whenever you feel stressed.
Not only is deep breathing a part of many ancient healing systems but medical studies have also shown that breathing can reduce stress.
Other ideas for achieving stress relief include creative pursuits and other personal development activities that tie into your values and your passions.
3.
Change Your Perspective Once you have considered how you might change your difficult situation, the next option is to change your perspective on your situation.
Yes, your situation may be challenging.
But is it all gloom and doom?What might be some other ways of thinking about this situation? This involves learning the skill of reframing:finding the opportunity in the challenge.
Here are two ideas.
For starters think big picture:why are you doing what you are doing? What was your motivation for entering your profession or taking this particular job? Sometimes reminding yourself of your goal can help you to value what you are doing.
Another way to change your perspective is to ask yourself the following question: What's working? So often in difficult situations, we focus on the negatives: long hours and lack of free time, the lack of control over your life, the intensity of your workload.
What might be working in a difficult situation? · The opportunity to learn from fantastic teachers, colleagues and peersâ�¨ · Having supportive relationships and a family lifeâ�¨ · Receiving valuable training that can help you reach your bigger life goals Then focus on what is right as opposed to what is wrong is another way to change one's perspective and provide hope.
4.
Leave the Situation Option number three is to leave the situation.
Leaving does not necessarily mean quitting your job or dropping out of school.
Take a look at what part of your difficult situation you can set aside.
Perhaps you can be reassigned to work with someone other than your difficult boss.
Or delegate an impossible assignment.
Or find a collaborator to work with so that you can ease the pressure on yourself.
If you have examined your options and conclude that leaving is the best option, this too is a choice.
Sometimes, it is the best choice.
So if you decide to leave, honor that choice and do not apologize or feel guilty.
5.
Accept the Situation After analyzing the three foregoing options, perhaps you are left with elements of your situation that you know you cannot change.
Okay! Now is the time to accept what is.
And this is different from being a victim because even though in both cases nothing changes on the outside (i.
e.
, you are still at the same job or working in the same program), it is your attitude that will make the difference.
Acceptance brings peace because you have made a conscious choice to live with that situation.
Bottom Line In fact, managing difficult situations is a combination of using all four of these positive strategies.
So the next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, examine your options through the lens of these strategies.
You will land up feeling a lot more empowered about your life and you can use the learning from these strategies to foster your personal and professional growth.
ACTION STEPS: 1.
Define your difficult situation.
2.
Consider what aspects of your situation you are able to change.
3.
Think about the positive aspects of our situation and how that can help you to change your perspective.
4.
Reflect on what aspects of the situation you can leave or make a choice to leave.
5.
Consider what part of your difficult situation you are prepared to accept.
6.
Set a goal for how to improve your difficult situation and make an action plan.
7.
Take one action step every week to implement your plan.
© Astrid Baumgardner 2012