Updated March 25, 2014.

Sometimes smoking cessation comes up on us quietly.  Maybe thoughts of quitting have been percolating in the back of our minds, but a conscious decision and plan to stop smoking hasn't really surfaced.

For Cindy, that's about how it happened.  Thoughts and feelings about smoking coalesced in an initial attempt that turned into a strong commitment.  From there she found support and the rest is history.

Congratulations Cindy, and thanks for sharing your story.

A Year in the Life of a New Non-Smoker...

April 18th, 2005 1:00 pm I decide to stop at Rite-Aid to pick up a few things.

Random thoughts: My doctor tells me in March I better quit smoking. I promised my kids I would quit when I was 50 and I would be 51 on my next birthday, July 4th. Two of my very good smoking buddies say they are cutting down to quit in the next week or two. My father has just passed on February 27th of pulmonary fibrosis. All these thoughts are on a constant loop in my head. Not to mention the commercials I see about the damage smoking does, to me, and those around me.

I am smart enough to know that smoking is bad. But I love to smoke. I don’t have a lot of the issues many of my smoking friends do. I don’t cough, I don’t get sick a lot, food still tastes great, and I exercise and eat well. What to do?

I walk over to the pharmacy department and look at the nicotine patches. I think, what the heck...I’ll buy a box and then, when and if I decide to quit, I’ll have them to use.

I didn’t even want to think about quitting without something to help me. I knew what my body felt like when I was just “wanting” a cigarette. My skin crawls; I would ache everywhere and often would get a headache. Nicotine withdrawal is horrible. I don’t like to deprive myself, and besides, it’s not like I’m addicted, I simply like to smoke. (heard that one? buahahahahahaha)

I get back to the office and think, maybe I’ll just put one of these patches on and see how it feels. So I do. Hey, what’s this? I don’t want to smoke. Two hours later, I still don’t want to smoke. Dang if these things work! I’m excited now. Maybe I can do this without too much trouble. HA! Thank goodness this is what I thought. If I had seen the future, I honestly don’t know that I would have gone through with it. God truly does give us only what we can handle. I had no idea of the roller coaster ride and journey that laid ahead of me over the next several days, weeks and months. 525,600 minutes to be exact.

Jump forward a few days. I’m dying here. I am feeling so crappy. I’m trying to be positive, but my life is in turmoil; my husband is an alcoholic, practicing at recovery. He has absolutely no patience for me and continues his tirade on his troubles with no consideration of how or what I’m feeling. He does say he supports me, but continues to smoke around me and then after a few weeks, starts drinking again, with one of his main “excuses” being that I’m so mean to him, that I’ve changed. Oops. Sorry...I’ve jumped forward too many moments.

Back it up a bit.

He does do one thing before he leaves. It saved my life and for that, I am forever grateful to him. He found this web site. He did a search of web sites for people quitting smoking and he gave me About.com. Then, I stumble onto the About.com Smoking Cessation Forum. I find my life raft. I find my hope. I find my lifeline to a new way of living without cigarettes.

I start reading like a mad woman. I reach out. I read everything I can. I read every thread that remotely looks interesting and even those that don’t. I see myself in so many of the posts. I cry. I read. I pace. I read stories about people that die from smoking. I cry. I hope. I post. I smile. I read. I laugh. Hope continues. I cry. I read some more. This continues for weeks. I don’t give up.

We don’t have the dots yet so I wait anxiously for my first star. I’m out of town on the day I should get it...my first road trip without my smokes. I’m successful and I get to come back and get my star. Hallelujah. I’m a non-smoker! Everybody here already believed I could do it. I thought I was fooling myself, but guess what? I did it. That first star is simply magical.

Next moments...“BELIEVE” becomes my mantra. I get a tattoo for my 3 months milestone that simply says believe, and I tell myself if I smoke, I have to have my tattoo removed. That would hurt and it would look very ugly. More motivation!

I have bad days, good days and really bad days. I have wonderful moments that pass without a thought of a smoke. Hey, I’m doing this! I have met so many wonderful people already that I now call my forumily. They love me. They support me. I love them. I support them. We laugh together. We are silly and we are not smoking. We rock! I think maybe I’ve found my peace.

Month 4...BAM. Like a lead balloon, I land in a place that is very dark. My marriage has ended for sure. I am living alone and have lost my "friend". I need to get a grip and change the way I look at this "friend". My closest friends, the ones who were going to quit smoking, didn’t. I feel so alone and so sad.

I read some more. I am back daily on the forum and I remember what I’ve been told...to reach out. My wonderful forumily suggests things I might do. They hold me up gently and firmly until I find my legs. They continue to believe in me. They think I can still do this. I’m doubtful. I want to believe...I really do. But I hurt. All over. I still don’t smoke though, don’t ask me how. Then Ree (bless you) tells me about the website quitsmokingonline.com. My thinking slowly starts to change.

HOPE and my mantra, BELIEVE start to come alive again.

Something clicks and it’s close to month 6. I wish I had one aha moment. But I don’t. I calmly, slowly, peacefully reach this place and it occurs to me one evening as I’m lying in bed...I’m so happy. The feeling of peace simply washes over me and warms me entirely. Tears fall gently down my face onto my pillow. I am a non-smoker. I am happy. I’ve gone out, moved on, and lived my life somehow, without cigarettes, and it’s ok.

Maybe that was my aha moment, that night in my bed. Now I know what the others were talking about. It just keeps getting stronger and stronger, this peace. I like it. Then at 7 months…I’m honored by being placed in the Hall of Fame of the beautiful WOS, a dream come true. (Thank you Kerri, my sister) Thank you, all of you fabulous, wonderful, strong women for coming before me. Tears of absolute joy!

Fast forward through the moments now because the months start running together. There are moments and there may always be, where that little feeling...an urge...something vague comes, but it really is more like a little whisper. I acknowledge it just for a second and then say NOPE. Not for me baby. I’m a non-smoker. I’m living my life large as a non-smoker. My posts are full of thanks and peace.

I have one more trigger to get past….the Christmas holidays. Once again, I reach out and my forumily is right there, cheering me on and believing in me. Now it’s New Year’s Eve 2006 and I’m about ready to enter my first new year as a non-smoker. More peace and joy.

Now...here I am. April 18th, 2006, 1:00 pm. I have this new family of friends that I have laughed and cried with. I have seen some fall away, and I miss them so much it hurts. I pray for them; that they will find their way back home to us. I have seen some of my biggest heroes fall and get back up, brush themselves off and start over again. I am most proud of those. I was too chicken to ever take one puff I think. I know my weaknesses; I’m not that brave. I never want to do hell week again. Ever. It hurt too much.

I am so grateful for each and every one of you. (tears again) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every newbie that comes on, I read your posts of fear and hope, of pain and wonder...and I love you. I know just how you feel.

I believe in you.

Look at me, I’m just a woman who made some promises and then found some people who believed in her when she didn’t believe in herself. So let me believe in you please. Be strong. It is worth every tear, every ache, every pain, and every sorrow. You will find your place of peace.

I promise.

Now...on to year two and the 80% club!

Come join us at the club.

BELIEVE.