When I was a young mother with two boys, I knew I wanted the best education, programs, and people around my kids.
However, up until that point, I believed myself to be a quiet and very passive person.
In fact, my hands shook violently when I even thought about speaking to people.
However, I knew I needed to be more assertive, so one day I wrote a short list of benefits I'd experience if I were more assertive: 1.
I'd get more of the things I wanted for the boys.
2.
I could solve problems immediately, and be less angry.
3.
Most importantly, I'd model assertiveness to my kids, so they wouldn't have to deal with my handicap.
I carried this list in my purse, and I read it aloud daily like a mantra.
Nervous and with a cracked voice, I began to ask questions.
I asked parents about parent issues, I confronted my sons' teachers; I persuaded gatekeepers to let my children into specialized programs.
The more I spoke, the more I grew confident, and the less fear reared it's ugly head during my conversations.
In time, my belief shifted from Rosalind "the hopelessly shy one" to "bold Rosalind.
" Here are three take-aways for you: 1.
How we interpret ourselves and situations, especially adverse ones, is key to success.
For example, in a rush to get to work, a person might burn their toast.
She reacts, "Every time I turn around something goes wrong! I'm going to be late! Goodness!" She bolts out the door, starts the car and jumps into the carpool lane to save time.
A police officer sees her, and pulls her over.
She is livid, pulling her hair out.
Her toast is burnt, she got a ticket and she's really late now! Another might burn their toast and remark, "Ok, slow down.
If you're late for work, it's not the end of the world.
Call and let the secretary know you'll be late.
" He phones, thoroughly checks the house, and strolls to his car to drive to work.
Who do you think experiences less anxiety? Obviously, the latter whose self-talk is more rational and reality-based.
When we think accurately, our emotions are under better control, and we tend to choose appropriate behavior in response to adverse situations.
2.
We need to continually upgrade our belief system for greater success.
The laws of success demand we continually purify our beliefs and self-talk as we reach towards our dreams.
I recently consulted a client who confided,"Rosalind, I always wanted to be a college professor, but I refuse to go back and get my Masters degree.
Where will I get the money? At fifty-two, I'll be with students who are young enough to be my children.
I don't know...
" He stared into space.
I asked him to write down some of his beliefs underlying his self-talk.
He shared his beliefs the next day.
He wrote, "I feel very insecure.
Am I smart enough? Can I keep up with the professor and the workload? I fell like a failure.
I should have done this twenty years ago.
" I taught him how to challenge these beliefs with more realistic thinking.
I'm happy to report he got out of his rut and is now pursing his Masters degree in education, and is acing his classes.
3.
Knowing our thinking style is vital as we pursue our goals.
I teach clients the value of self-awareness.
In my e-book entitled, Change Your Beliefs and Multiply Your Success, I write about the different thinking styles that can stifle progress towards success.
One thinking style is jumping to conclusions.
We we make assumptions about the motives of others and situations which may be inaccurate.
This can definitely cloud our decision making process.
For example, we see the boss walking down the hallway, we say good morning and he doesn't answer.
"What did I do to him? He's so rude!" As a result of our thinking, we decide not to speak to him.
However, the truth is, our boss was lost in thought, thinking about an argument he had with his wife thirty minutes ago.
He didn't mean to be rude.
He didn't see you.
Helen has been friends with Jaimie for eight years.
They talk almost everyday.
However, Helen hasn't heard from Jaimie in two weeks.
Instead of calling Jaimie, Helen makes extreme assumption.
"Maybe Jaimie hasn't called because I gave her a late birthday present.
She's made at me.
" Helen spends countless nights playing different scenerios in her mind about why Jaimie hasn't called.
A year later through a mutual friend, Helen learns Jaimie felt similarly.
Jaimie shared," I thought I did something to really anger Helen.
I assumed that's why I hadn't heard from her.
" The friendship could have been easily reconciled if either of them called to do a reality check.
Helen, for example, could have neutralized her escalating, out-of-control thoughts by simply calling to ask, "Is everything OK between us?" Now Helen can check her intuition against fact.
Hopefully, she understands this now.
Want to achieve more? It is vital you upgrade your belief system as success makes greater demands of you.
Ask yourself, are my beliefs about myself, life, and adverse situations serving me or hindering me? Challenge your beliefs by looking at them in the light of reality, and you'll find a few that need tweeking.
As you do this, obstacles will shrink, and you'll reach the next level of success.