There are many different opinions on anger and how to manage it.
Here are some of my opinions, based on how I behave, how others behave, and how we tend to approach our problems.
Personally, I have dealt with anger a lot in the past, but I reached a point where I realized that is was time to rid myself of it.
There are many techniques and groups for learning to handle anger, and there really is a lot we can do for ourselves.
A lot of the things we can do go along with the twelve steps that they teach in Alcoholics Anonymous, and they work for anger the way they do for alcoholism.
But, the reason for that, I believe, is most likely because anger and alcoholism often go hand in hand.
Really they should be the twelve steps to anger management.
Now, I have tried a lot of different anger management techniques, and here are a few of the steps I have taken.
One of the first steps I recommend is addressing the cause.
Say you are presently angry.
Have you been like this before? Is it often? How long has anger been a part of your life? I believe this is a good place to start because often anger issues stem from a past experience that has harmed you in some way, whether emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, or a combination of more than one.
Of course this is not always the case, but often it is.
So if you have anger that you feel is not in control, or is putting too much stress on you, then maybe it is a good time to look into the past.
Think back and really search.
The goal is to find out why you are angry.
For me I find that anger and rage often come with an adrenaline rush.
If something angers me, I feel excited in a way.
That is not healthy.
Far from it.
It is like a sickness, a disease.
I use to be controlled by it, but over years I have learned to stop it before it hits.
How? Well, that is where my second step comes in.
I find I will find something that triggers this feeling, and then I tend to dwell on it.
Sometimes it is hard not to dwell on it, as often the things that make us angry are huge issues that are affecting our lives, or something that has recently affected our lives.
Sometimes, it is even something from the far past that doesn't even have a place in my life anymore.
It has taken me years, but I have learned to stop the feeling by saying 'No' to it.
When I feel my heart speed up a bit, or my mind beginning to race, I push the thought away, and say 'No' when it immediately tries to resurface.
Sometimes the urge is so bad I have to say it out loud.
Find a thought that makes you feel good.
Create a place in your mind where all is well, a sort of sanctuary.
Personally I choose not to use a memory, or even a real place, as once I have established this 'happy place' if it is a realistic place or memory, and then something bad happens that involves your previously happy place, escaping to that place in your mind can only cause more distress.
Use your imagination.
And even when I am not angry, I go to this happy place.
I have been doing this for years, and because of my regular mental breaks to my happy place, it is so real that the anger disappears almost immediately.
Try to attach a good feeling to that particular thought, basically.
The third step for me is music.
LOUD music.
I find heavy metal or rock works like a charm, but that is only most of the time.
Other times it feels to be too much.
That is when I turn to techno or dance music.
I usually pick anything upbeat.
I personally cannot stand techno, but it is almost hypnotic the effect it can have on ones mind.
I hear some people say to listen to something soothing, something calm, but my moods are very sensitive, and I find listening to soothing music when I am angry can sometimes depress me, so for me it is something to be avoided.
But, everybody is different.
Number four is to write it out.
I can't stress enough how therapeutic writing it out is.
Write it out or type it out, either way helps.
Writing my feelings have worked wonders for me, and I know many others who have benefited from writing out their thoughts.
Not only are you putting down what you are thinking, what you are feeling, but it can also be translated into a secret message.
I usually wait a few days, and then go back and read what I wrote.
By examining how I felt and comparing it to how I feel as I read it, I can help myself by finding out what was bothering me when I wrote it, and then I can try to avoid the trigger in the future.
The last step, the fifth step, is to write yourself a letter.
Do it however you want, but make sure you are in a good mind frame when you write it.
Tell yourself to calm down, tell yourself some of your techniques to fight the anger, and try to say something positive.
When I am angry, I feel like a different person, and I think anyone who has ever dealt with anger can understand that.
An example of my letter would be where I tell the angry me to help myself for me, not for the angry me.
I tell the angry me that I know she does not care about anything, and is angry.
I tell her it is okay to feel like that, but it isn't good to stay like that.
I tell her to fight it.
I tell her while she doesn't care, I do.
I need her to get better for me, because I can't take control again until she agrees to help.
Now, the letter may be brilliant, but honestly, the challenge is making yourself read it.
Yes...
it is almost impossible to actually want to read it.
There are tricks here too.
Give it to someone close when you are not angry, so that if you ever get angry, they can read it to you.
Or give yourself a note.
What do you do when you are angry? Smoke? Put a note in the cigarette pack.
Anything like that.