"The pictures of us on our first date, of our first roller-coaster ride, of our first Superbowl party and so many other firsts, hang on the wall in a collage of our short life together.
I will never go on a long drive up the coast again, I will never bring him a cool beer as he finishes mowing the lawn and I will never get to do those seemingly menial things that so many other couples take for granted.
" The loss of a spouse is a hardship no one is prepared for and when it happens toinclude a child, perhaps through an accident, the emotions are often times exacerbated and detrimental to one's mental capacity, which can lead one to withdraw from society for quite a long spell; through the onset of depression.
One can escape to their home for a period of time in order to block out the world, but soon enough, there are needs to be met and a life to be answered to.
Friends can only help for so long before they become fatigued by the depression of another.
It's tough to walk away when someone is in need of friendly companionship, yet it happens for a very specific reason.
It's tough to walk away when someone needs to be heard about their pain, but again, it happens for a very specific reason.
What is that reason? Why would someone seem to abandon another? Well, don't shoot the messenger, but after a death, your friends can't truly feel your grief unless they have personally lived through what you have.
It doesn't mean they love you any less, but when a person lives through the death of their spouse or kids, they see the hurt everywhere and feel the need to voice their opinion.
John used to wear a shirt like that.
Mathew used to play football with his friends.
John used to do this or that.
Mathew used to do that or this.
Everything keys the widow/er in to their pain.
There comes a point where it is not just about friends walking away or avoiding contact with you, so much as, they may be tired of hearing about your loss, whichconstantly reminds them that, they too, are vulnerable of such a loss.
Then there is another reason why friends slowly drift away and, again, don't shoot the messenger but, you may have pushed them away.
It can be a difficult concept to agree with and the last thing anyone truly wants to do is to push their friends away, but it happens.
After withdrawing from society or making one's self unavailable for long periods of time, friends will get the message that you just want to be alone.
Sure, they may contact you periodically to confirm you're okay, they may even listen to you speak about how much you miss John, even after a few years, but, when the phone hangs up, you're keyed in and they're glad they're not you.
I'm sorry if this is a tough pill to swallow.
Men, as well as women, lose their loved ones.
They lose their children, their parents, their relatives that mean the world to them and there are a number of ways people die.
So what do you do? Do you seek therapy? Do you read and work to understand death? Do you join a sympathy group? What is the right move? The truth is; your right move is going to be whatever you choose.
You may go for years talking with groups that pity their losses.
You might find a whole new set of friends that have been where you are.
You may dote on your pictures for the next ten years but here is the kick in the seat of the pants, your life will not get any better after the death of a loved one until you begin to celebrate the life the loved one lived and rejoice in the fact that though we're all here for a relatively short period of time, you got to spend more time with them than anyone else.
Crying won't bring them back but, smiling about the good times will make them live forever.