After Bereavement: Coping With Loss And Dealing With Death
When you feel that you are ready to move forward with your life there are steps you can take to actively recover from your loss. Preferably you will have accepted that your loss has changed you and may even have started to express your new identity in your outer world. At this point you should begin to explore your new identity by joining groups, starting new hobbies or making time for old ones. Above all you should be seeking to spend time with new and old friends who can help you in finding your new self.
I still need support
Immediately after you were bereaved you will probably have received a great deal of support from family and friends. There is no doubt this this support was important at the time but it would be wrong to say that you no longer need it, the support you will receive in the coming weeks, months and even years is what matters now. It is natural to feel more venerable after the death of a loved one. If, at some point after your bereavement, you feel you are not receiving enough support do not be afraid to seek more. It may be the case that you friends have not gone through this, that they have dealt with it in different ways to you or that they are also bereaved by the same loss and so you cannot lean on them as much you need too. In this situation feel free to create new friendships, without neglecting the old ones, and gain new support. It can often help to have someone to talk to who has been through a similar experience; lean on each other for mutual support.
I still want to be alone
Most people, at some time in their grieving process, experience a strong desire to be alone. Remember that this will make the grieving process longer for you. It is important to make an effort to stay integrated within your circle of family and friends and remember that the longer you are out of the loop the harder it will become to feel like you belong.
Freud was of the opinion that while "we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else". In spite of this, there are active steps you can take to help yourself recover from your loss. The more you make a conscious effort to recover from it, the easier it will be. Primarily you must strive to find who you are now and how your loss has changed you. Know that whilst obviously different, both beings are equally capable of happiness.
I still need support
Immediately after you were bereaved you will probably have received a great deal of support from family and friends. There is no doubt this this support was important at the time but it would be wrong to say that you no longer need it, the support you will receive in the coming weeks, months and even years is what matters now. It is natural to feel more venerable after the death of a loved one. If, at some point after your bereavement, you feel you are not receiving enough support do not be afraid to seek more. It may be the case that you friends have not gone through this, that they have dealt with it in different ways to you or that they are also bereaved by the same loss and so you cannot lean on them as much you need too. In this situation feel free to create new friendships, without neglecting the old ones, and gain new support. It can often help to have someone to talk to who has been through a similar experience; lean on each other for mutual support.
I still want to be alone
Most people, at some time in their grieving process, experience a strong desire to be alone. Remember that this will make the grieving process longer for you. It is important to make an effort to stay integrated within your circle of family and friends and remember that the longer you are out of the loop the harder it will become to feel like you belong.
Freud was of the opinion that while "we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else". In spite of this, there are active steps you can take to help yourself recover from your loss. The more you make a conscious effort to recover from it, the easier it will be. Primarily you must strive to find who you are now and how your loss has changed you. Know that whilst obviously different, both beings are equally capable of happiness.
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