On the 6th doctor I visited to look deeper into what these agonizing symptoms I was experiencing could be, I got some interesting advice.
The advice I was given was unlike what anyone had ever told me before, and in time it showed me a natural path to overcoming my generalized anxiety disorder.
After the numerous tests that came back to this doctor all showing no sign of anything serious, the result was that these symptoms such as my consistent dizziness, shortness of breath, chest pains etc that would ultimately lead me to full blown panic attacks, were all symptoms of anxiety.
This was nothing new to me, I had done the same tests before and had the same negative results come back time and time again but I still had a lingering thought in the back of my mind that said..
what if they missed something, AGAIN! The doctor leaned over gently and in a soft caring voice he said "Dennis, it's time for a fresh perspective that will lead to a new beginning.
" Whatever doc I thought to myself.
At that moment believe it or not, I actually felt a little disappointed that the results were negative again.
If there WAS something physically wrong than I would have been able to start dealing with it right then and there and be done with this 'thing' that ruined my life in every aspect for 6 years.
"Could you elaborate on what you said" I asked the doctor, he continued on telling me that I needed something to get my mind off of me and my anxiety disorder which was starting to look like my true profession in life.
The cycle of what's wrong with me, what will be of my future as a professional athlete with a dream that wasn't fulfilled yet, will I ever be happy, and how the heck would I ever take care of this new born baby we had led me down a road of feeling powerless, this anxiety monster was impossible to be tamed in my eyes.
The doctor went on to tell me that I needed a strong attachment to something, and run with it so that it would stop my over-worrying cycle of thinking solely about me.
Simple advice I thought, and I explained to him that their was nothing more important then me in this world (obvious answer right), and proceeded to leave the doctors room as I played the role of a hopeless and dead man walking again, and went home.
As I was home I pondered what the next step would be, I had exactly 36 different types of zombie pills (benzodiazepines), witch-doctor cures, herbs, vitamins, teas, antidepressants...
you name it lying in my cupboard.
Some were empty and some were half full, I was a hopeless wreck.
But just before I did my usual Google search on what this newest supposedly symptom of anxiety could be linked to potentially, I stopped myself and thought a little deeper into what the doctor was trying to tell me.
Let me remind you that THINKING wasn't something I did much of, I lived a life in total reaction to my physical world and their were anxiety triggers everywhere from people, to driving, to snowflakes for god sake (true story).
The only relief my anxiety disorder gave me was when I was sleeping, and most days when I woke up I couldn't wait to get back to sleep again.
I thought long and hard for the next 2 hours, wrote down all my thoughts about what the doc could have meant by his advice to me, and came up with some unexpected answers that were truly mind-blowingly simple but potentially powerful enough to create an exit strategy from the grips of panic and anxiety.
The Answer Was Right There I quickly realized that who I surrounded myself with I became! My environment had a massive impact on how I thought, felt and even acted.
The more I hung around and practiced with better tennis players than me, the faster I improved my own tennis game.
The more anxiety forums I became attached to daily sharing how bad my day went and my fears of the future, the bigger the hole was that I was digging myself into.
By the doctor saying that I needed a fresh perspective that will lead to a new beginning, I quickly realized it meant that I needed to put myself in an environment that could make my anxiety disorder issues look much smaller then what I made it out to be.
I did the one thing I always deep down wanted to do, I booked a visit to the children's hospital the next day so I could get a first hand look at the children there who were suffering through illnesses I feared having due to my health anxiety.
Grateful For My Condition? As I walked through each room of the children's hospital saying hi to all the kids, a feeling started coming over me that I hadn't felt in a long time.
That was the feeling of guilt, guilty for playing the role of victim each and everyday for years around the people that cared for me the most, guilty for being selfish and thinking of my needs only without considering the needs of others, and guilty for giving into the cycle of fearful thoughts that led to focusing solely on these symptoms of anxiety.
These kids were only into the first few years of their lives, and were asked to bravely battle illnesses that they weren't prepared to battle.
I realized that they didn't have control over their illness at all, whereas my condition was something I had total control over.
I walked out of the children's hospital that day feeling like a complete piece of (fill in the blank).
2 things hit me in the evening that day, #1) I either didn't have any thoughts related to my anxiety or I just didn't pay much attention to them the whole day I was there, #2) I created a new 'visual' to what I pictured my anxiety to be, what was once a monster the size of tyrannosaurs rex that dictated how I lived my life in every aspect, was now a new born baby crying for my attention.
Incredible what one experience can do for a person I thought to myself.
Not only that, but the power of mental imagery can truly set a person dealing with anxiety disorders completely free.