So far, we've discussed people who cheat in their relationships in order to meet unmet needs, including emotional needs, which experts agree is the most common cause of infidelity.
Overall, we've learned that the best way to counteract and prevent infidelity and cheating is to build a strong emotional connection with your partner and solidify it with regular maintenance.
Now, what happens when you've met that unmet emotional need with someone other than your boyfriend? What do you do next? Do you continue to seek that fulfillment outside your primary relationship? Or do you take what you've learned and try to recover it within your main relationship, cutting the other man on the side off? Figuring out the best course of action following infidelity can be very difficult, especially if you're not really sure whether or not either party will keep you satisfied enough to fully commit to them.
Truth be told, nobody's perfect - like, that's exactly where the 80/20 Rule stems from.
Every relationship is as unique as a fingerprint; yet, there's a simple method to discerning whether or not it's worth holding on to a relationship once your unfulfilled need is met.
Simply put, you must look within and reflect on whether cheating has truly assisted you in taking care of those unmet needs that led you to stray in the first place.
We know the last thing you'd like to do is ponder deeply about the wrongs you've done, but get real with yourself.
You initially felt that whatever it was you wanted - whether more emotional intimacy, a certain sex act or something completely random yet important to you- was so vital that it warranted stepping out of your relationship to get it; if you were that willing to obtain it, you need to be just as willing to analyze its bearing amongst your romantic requirements.
Ask yourself the following: Now that you've cheated and pursued your unmet need, whether sexual or not, how do you feel? Did the other person truly handle those needs you cheated to get? Was this desire something that you were able to "get out of your system" once it you cheated, or will this be an ongoing need that you'll want indefinitely? Would not getting it from your partner make you cheat again? Should you realize that your desires, in the long run aren't as big a deal anymore, congratulations.
You've gotten the urge out of your system, and have matured enough to realize your relationship is more important to you.
Consider your infidelity a learning experience and continue with your regular relationship.
Should you determine that your need was adequately met and that you are truly happier with it in your life, you'll have to determine how this will affect your relationship.
If the need is something your partner cannot or will not provide, chances are you'll either continue having an affair, or will need to end the relationship to avoid hurting your partner.
This holds true if whatever you need will have to occur on an unending basis.
One young lady cheated because she loved oral sex, but her fiance refused to provide it.
He was a perfect boyfriend, and very considerate in all other areas but this.
He considered it an emasculating act, as he was from a culture which frowned upon cunnilingus.
She expressed the act improved sexual satisfaction, yet he would not be moved.
At the end of the day, she loved him, but not enough to compromise her sexual satisfaction.