Who doesn't dream about falling in love, meeting "the one and only", having a "once-of-a-life-time-connection" just like in fairy tales, the movies, the TV? But can such a dream really come true, or are we often too naïve? Desperate singles are prone to be mislead into impossible "love" Throughout the years I've often witnessed singles whose desperation for love, crave to be touched and embraced, drove them to "fall for others" and believe that "my time has finally arrived.
" They feel good about having "Finally found someone to share things with;" "someone who cares about me;" "someone who wants to be with me".
They convince themselves that it is only a matter of time until together they'll "develop the greatest love of their life".
Here's a short story depicting one such individual.
It might have happened to you or to people you know.
Love Poems Lying in bed she read the love poems he had sent her day after day.
So many of them.
All filled with love, so honest and touching.
Was there ever anyone who loved her like he does? Who wrote ever such beautiful poems, for her and about her? "Write me a poem," she asked him once, semi-joking, in one of the long chats they had during the last few weeks, she from her bed (usually at nights) and he from his hotel room overseas.
And she still remembers his response: "fine, I'll always do whatever you ask me.
" It was then that the poems began streaming in: poems of love and romance; short and long; some rhymed, some free-styled, many of them passionate and erotic.
Does he love her so much? Desires her so much? What a wonderful feeling it was! One day he'll return back from overseas where he's at work now and come directly to see and they'll experience together all those wonderful things he has been writing about in his poems.
Isn't that what he promises her time and again? One day, upon returning from overseas.
If there was any comfort in the geographical distance between them it was that the distance allowed him to express, openly and freely, everything he felt towards her, everything that has been developing between them since the day she responded to the ad in the internet-site, just like that, for the first time in her life, which started all this snow-balling-effect of poems "at her doorstep" (as she enjoyed terming it).
Soon she became addicted to his daily poems like a prisoner to weekly visits.
And who wouldn't? Night after night to read poems which warm her heart and arouse her femininity, after surviving so many dry and lonely years...
Every night, upon going to bed, she took with her the leather folder in which she placed all the printed poems.
Lying in bed she read and re-read them time and again, trembling with happiness and desire.
The depictions, the images - nothing was left for the imagination, yet all was left to her fantasies.
Reading his poems she felt how her heart expanded endlessly.
Doesn't she prefer this love on all the adventures her friends were telling her about? Has any of them ever dipped in a deep and lucid sea of such beautiful-personal-erotic poems? In another city, or maybe in the same one, a woman is going to bed, taking with her a collection of poems from her lover who she's never yet seen who's overseas on a sabbatical leave.
And in another city, near-by, or maybe far away, yet another woman goes to bed at night, her heart filled with poems her lover sends her from somewhere.
They shut their eyes.
They breathe the words and whisper his name...
Dependency, neediness, fear of being alone and unrealistic fantasies Usually when I hear singles telling me such a story, the words which come to my mind are: Dependency, neediness, fear of being alone and unrealistic fantasies.
If these sound like key words, they indeed are.
These are key words which describe a person who is driven by such a deep and unrelenting need to find love and have a partner that she (as the individual in the story) behaves in a total desperate way: she literally "falls in love" with someone whom she's never met, getting "hooked" on his poems due to her loneliness, neediness and dependency.
She doesn't even consider, not even for a minute, that there is something odd about the situation.
Is it really possible that a man she's never ever met will send her poems so romantic and erotic, so "tailored" for her? Is it really possible that she's become his "object of desire" - without him ever seeing her? As she fantasizes about him, she doesn't even suspect, not for a minute, that there is something weird here, something strange and suspicious.
Her neediness and desperation push her to vehemently fall into the web he created and to naively expect him to be with her upon returning from overseas.
The heavy price one pays when driven by dependency, neediness and the fear of being alone The woman depicted in this short story (and apparently the other two as well) is not unique.
Many who are controlled by their own neediness and fear of being alone might be too eager (and naïve) to "jump" into a "relationship" with someone who they've never met, out of unrealistic fantasies.
They convince themselves that they're in love; that the man "on the other side of wherever" truly cares for them; that his poems are candidly tailored towards them, expressing all these wonderful and honest feelings of longing and desire.
When such a story ends - either by meeting the person face-to-face and realizing he is not who he portrayed himself to be, or by "suddenly" not hearing from him anymore - the single woman is likely to feel shame, disappointment, sorrow (for herself), disillusion and, most of all, really alone.
The dream that shattered like a vase of flowers has its toll on her.
To escape her desperation, she might very quickly find someone else to begin a "relationship" with.
A vicious circle It is very likely to assume that such a woman (or, for that matter, a man) will get into endless "dream-like-scenarios" which will shatter one after another and will further lower her already low-self-esteem.
This might "push" her, even more quickly than before, to "fall in love" with yet another "possibility" (which she will name: "potential partner") - and the vicious circle will continue...
Self-Awareness: the way out of the vicious circle The way for such an individual to get out of the vicious circle is to combat her needs, dependency issues and fear of being alone and release herself from their grip.
She can do so by developing Self-Awareness: understanding where these originate from and realizing the heavy toll they exert over her life and relationships.
Having the courage to become aware and to de-activate the power they exert over her is the only way possible to stop shooting herself in the foot, stop hanging on to unrealistic fantasies, and stop "falling" for strangers (and other unsuitable men).
Having gained such awareness will enable her to know which steps she needs to take to stop the vicious circle from continuing and become able to develop a sincere, healthy and satisfying relationship.